Sinister: If you Chuse, you Llewse

[Laura Llew]

"Daddy, what's an optimist?" said Pat to Mike while they were walking down 
the street together one day.

"One who thought that Laura Llew wasn't going to prance around posting 
pretending she was Dorthy Parker anymore," replied the absentminded 
professor, as he wound up the cat and put the clock out.

I'm fettered in a flurry of a fluster! Oh how I was all primed to join in 
the rank and file of sinister sentimantality which has been steadily 
streaming along! In one hand I have lain a last lone summer bloom of a 
violet ready to press in between sad tear stained pages and in the other 
lays my hankerchief (hand embroidered.. in blue). Did you think I could not 
be nostalgic as well? Did you think that all I suffered in my own little 
Dogpatch of North Carolina were farmers lolling about with their pigs and 
daisy duke distilling potent liquor while we all smoked corncob pipes while 
coping with social climbers and frauds from the outside world? Don't you 
think I look cute in this new corduroy John Deere hat?

Oh how I was going to pine for Peter

Miller that is.

I had an eulogy ready and everything.
*clears throat*

My love flew like a butterfly
Until death swooped down like a bat
As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said
"That's the end of that"

However, not only did he not leave the list but he's still posting. Fine, 
Petre - I don't miss you either!

***WIDE WIDE WORLD OF WRESTLING: WILLZEBUBS VERSUS RACHEELS:***
So, now sentimentality has been shoddily set aside and we're drowning in a 
debacle over names & their puns. (Doesn't that sound like a bad show topic 
for a talk show? "NAMES: And The Llewsers Who Chu-se Bad Puns For Them - 
Next on Ella Minnow Pea)

To list a few so we can get it out of the way & Will Porter can come out 
from under his bed:
- Fire at Will
- Where there's a Will there's a way
and then the biblical:
- Sacrifice Your Will

Even I am susceptible to such follies. Once my roommate was being overly 
dramatic and complaining of how something was going to kill her so when I 
tried to nudge her to movement she said, "Not now - I'm writing my Will."  I 
looked at the boy named Will who was in our apartment at the time (I believe 
he was laying on the floor flapping his arms up and down making carpet 
angels) and said, "We don't want to hear about your love letters."

Jen, I tried to do a direct quote but I can't find it in the archives. 
However, there was pining for the absence of a Sinister William Harris at 
the Washington or Oregon picnic earlier.

Have you ever met a Will Harris? They're a dodgy sort indeed. I'm not saying 
they bite but there is a thing called CHAPSTICK KISSES which strike fear in 
my heart. I've been chased over half the state of Utah but somehow managed 
to  avoid them for the most part. The Will in the story above was a William 
Harris. Once he asked if I would set him up with a girl who had asked me out 
a few times. (I suppose he thought she wasn't so picky). So, I tried and she 
was game until I described Will as tall, dark, and handsome with the 
clarification of - taller than a pygamy but not as dark as one. She stopped 
talking to me. In fact, I haven't heard from her in the three years since. 
Oh well, now Will is married to another girl who I think he's pretty serious 
about so that's that.

***SINISTER PICNICS: Don't you have ants in England? Why yes, but I never 
hear from them.***
I was proud to see that I made an appearance at a Sinister picnic. You can 
see it for yourself at http://robster75.tripod.com/embra3.jpg

Though I'm especially fond of Honey, I'm not the bee. No, I'm on Ken's chest 
(and wondering if he'll make us all proud with a smutty comment about 
sometime make an appearance on my chest.) Yes! I'm responsible for one of 
his badges.
Let's guess which one I am!!

1. With my feathered hair and turned up collar, am I the quinnessential 80s 
fan and responsible for "Camera Obscura"?
2. Slide out of my way Jewel Shepherd! Am I the "Porn Star"?
3. With my hotpants, my tube top and fashionable footwear am I all about the 
purple "bowling" badge?

***NAME CHECKS: My bratwurst has a first name. It's F-R-I-T-Z. My bratwurst 
has a second name. It's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-H-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N***
Now it's time for Laura Llew to make random comments on other people's post!

Helen hailed, "Although wearing them outside means that you get odd looks 
and possibly sniggers, but if Pamela Anderson can do it, then dammit so can 
I."
I'm not in anyway a fashion guru but I'm guessing that using Pamela Anderson 
as an example to justify one's clothing (or lack thereof) choice could get 
you into trouble

Maddie murmered, "Do you want to be a Sinister Super Hero? Can you kick 
ass/arse? Do you look simply stunning in lycra? Do you have an allitervative 
name?"
Why yes! Yes! (I kick ass. I'm american - we don't have arses.) Yes! (I get 
stopped on the street frequently to be told how absolutely flattering lycra 
would be on me) Yes!
Can I be the superhero who fights minor crime. None of this saving the world 
from world domination and international syndication of the Drew Carey Show 
but the small things - people wearing white after labor day, not using their 
turn signal, having slightly used girls try to sell your Wockenfuss.

Off to save the day,

Laura
"meeting all of your Laura Llew needs since 1977"

PS - Big thanks and llots of llove to Paltry Paul (I'm listening to your cds 
now. Awww!), Dahling Stacey, Billzebub, Jamesest, Dreamsy Breamsy, 
PrimitivePainter (who still must post his The State I Am In theory!), my 
fellow (sister) Spinisterine Vel, and everyone else who thought of me (and 
Ken who in his ultimate generosity offered to kiss me) last Tuesday. 
Weeeeeeee!

Plus, HUGE SHOUTS, much admiration, love, hugs, kisses, and general overall 
worship to JIMMY G who had my future cabanna boy, Stuart Murdoch, autograph 
a ticket to one of the western B&S shows for me. I went so weak in the knees 
when I saw it.. and then as soon as I regained strength I jumped up and down 
lots while yippeeying for Glee.

PPS - If I post this quickly enough, I'll be right next to James Thorniley 
on the list of posts in the archives and won't that be cozy? Oh wait - 
nevermind.  Damn you Michael Vance (well, if you're lucky) & Steely Dan - 
you ruined it all!

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