Sinister: Bookshop girls are librarians who have gone retarded

[Will Porter]

This just in: "Stuart Murdoch" is an anagram of "cum rod thrust".  I expect
Pookie to get right to work on this one.  also, "rut a smut chord".  Not sure
if that means anything but it sounds awfully dirty.

Okay Wills, huddle.  Alright, now which of you accepted the mix tape duel?  ARE
YOU MAD?  You NEVER let your opponent choose the weapon.  Especially those
crafty Rachels (let's face it, the Chrises aren't much of a threat, what with
that sleeka sounds fellow gone).  We should have insisted on pistols at dawn,
but now you've botched it.  Must I do *everything* around here?

Now. LL said:
> Will Porter can come out from under his bed

I am *not* hiding, dammit.  I am a busy man.  I have a job, you know.  Okay,
truth be told, my bed is just a mattress on the floor, so I don't fit under it.
 I was behind the door.  

And THEN she said:
> the only other member of my 
> audience will be some desperately lonely old male librarian who saw a light 
> in the window of the lecture hall and hopefully came in to escape the cold 
> and the horrors of his personal hell (realizing years before that bookshops 
> were superior but being too proud to admit to it so he kept being 
> transferred from branch to brooklyn branch and becoming so desperate at 
> times that he even considered moving to Iowa). 

To which I can only respond: Ha, ha, and HA.  Your habit of lending things
betrays you bookshop girl (which, incidentally, can be sung to the tune of the
Dead Milkmen's "Punk Rock Girl"): face it, you're practically a librarian
now--throw aside the decadence of your capitalist world and join us!  We've got
steady (if meagre) wages and a decent dental plan!  Yeah!

Love me, love my library!

I think I need to start sleeping in a different position because I keep waking
up with headaches, but it's hard to change what you do when you're asleep
because, well, you're asleep at the time.

I like biscuits.

xo
will porter

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