Sinister: the overnight stopping train and dubious snacks

[Gordon]

16 October 2001

I've decided to take it easy for a while, and write a post that's going
to take ages to write. I'm not intending to say much. In fact, quite the
contrary: I'm going to say very little, over a long period of time. You
see, I *am*, after all, reading all your terribly lovely and quite
delightfully *long* posts at the moment. I'm slowly absorbing a tone of
voice, called a yawn, directly from a comfy armchair to which I shall
return presently. Not a yawn of boredom, I hasten to add, but one of ...
oh, I wish I had at my disposal a word in the same league as Cunning
Andre's. But I shall settle for the slumbers of a nychthemeron, which is
a whiny electronic Greek instrument that you can only use at night. Not.

17 October 2001

One day later and I'm already cheating and lying. It's still the 16th.

19 October 2001

'I'm always lying', after Epimenides, aside, this slow pace is really
rather fine. Since last entry, I have done some tidying up, surfed the
web for Bed & Breakfast establishments in Edinburgh, gone for a stroll,
purchased three tins of wonton soup, watched a Ken Russell film about
the composer Frederick Delius and have just screwed a plank of wood onto
an old television stand after the fashion of a 1950's coffee table. It's
amazing how much one can achieve in three days. I think I shall reward
my efforts with a cup of Earl Grey and one of those chocolate coated
digestives.

20; a Sunday

I had a £1 all-day bus ticket on Saturday and toddled up to Barnton, to
check out the place I've got to be at work tomorrow at 8:30am. (It is a
grubby 3 storey block of late 60's / early 70's vintage and inside is a
factory for twee little starter homes... kinda like the burgers of the
housing market. Which might suggest to UK listees the name of the
company.) Now, 08:30 is an ungodly hour by anyone's standards but when
you live two and a half hours away it seems hardly worth bothering going
to bed. Only a month's contract though, so I suppose it's a bit like
working on an oil-rig minus the big pay cheque, the risk and the North
Sea. And shore leave, speaking of which I also visited a big new box
known as the Leith Ocean Terminal. I stood on a balcony, gazing past the
old Royal Yacht *Britannia* and a French navy frigate, to see if I could
see the Dundee Picnic, but the Kingdom of Fife got in the way. I turned
around and wandered into a multiplex instead. KYsuperglue. Ouch.
American Pie II has arrived.

What is it with dogs on covers these days? First, Mr.Miller directs us
to this:
http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00005OM55.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
and now the Mull Historical Society comes out with this:
http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00005QD2N.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

is it the same dog? The first Scottish canine supermodel?
Mmm... I think Sunnyset's Belle is better. In fact, I might start a
'Belle is Better' campaign.

24 October

Now if I were really working hard I'd have devised both a dreem indie
fitba' teem and offered to take part in the mistery mixtape competition.
I'm not doing the former cos I can't be bothered to work out the rules
of football and I don't know much about indie bands which brings me to
the latter, as I'd only go adding Raymond Scott's 1962 vintage
electronic advertising jingle for the Baltimore Gas & Electric Co.
again. Either that or the Hostess Twinkies one of the following year,
which clocks in at only 32 seconds so might be less painful.
So I made up my own wee competition. Actually, it's more of a cheesy
radio show give-away, but same difference.

So, the Saracen's Head 'polo' shirt goes to the first person to send
their address to:
sybarite at working-hard.co.uk
Of course, you'll have to prove you can play polo first. Or at least
swallow one.

27 October

"Furthermore, the character of Twinkie The Kid is a thoroughly adult
character who engages only in mature activities not in any way
recommended for children, such as law enforcement and rodeo theatrics.
Twinkies are
as safe and socially responsible as they are delicious."
[http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/6174/jokes/hostess-market-unhealthy-twinkies-to-minors.htm]

EAT SPAM! Slightly Pervy 'Adult' Mail. I'm re-subscribing on a new
E-mail address cos I'm getting fed up with all the junk mail received at
this one, which I'm shutting down lock, stock and tinned, without the
ring-pull. And easy on the onions.

28; a Sunday

I've had a relapse, and made the whole of the last week up. It must have
been one of these weird dreams like you get when you eat Stilton before
going to bed.

Time for lunch (dead fish from France floating in hot water with bits
added from a plastic packet in the freezer) Bouillabasse.

*basiers voles* sings Viktor Lazlo** (a cool jazzy band from... not
France but, like Jaques Brel and Vanessa Paridis and Poirot and
TinTin(nabulation?), from Belgium), and also the title of the film
'Stollen Kisses' by Francois Truffle, which is all about two women and a
German cake recipie [1/4 oz Yeast (dried), active 1 package 3/4c Water,
warm 1/2 c Sugar, granulated 3 lg Eggs, a tricycle, one spatula, a large
farmhouse table... ].

Gordon

** "One day I met the beautiful and exotic girl Sonja in the nightclub
"Le Mirano" in Brussels. She wore a mini-skirt and had really long legs
and a beautiful ass. I asked her if the quality of her legs corresponded
with that of her vocal abilities. She said fuck off. In the end she
finally did do backing vocals for Lou & the Hollywood Bananas. In one
take! I was stunned and immediately knew we had to do something
together." says her producer.

'SEXISM IS BAD. THE BROADS DON'T LIKE IT' as it says on the T-Shirt


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