Sinister: Something GOOD is going to happen to YOU!

[Stankin' Cooter]

Yes, you. And very soon indeed. I promise.

I’m still grumpy and tired and confused and difficult like I normally am, 
but I’m also filled with affection today, so it seems like as good a time as 
any to post. A few good things have happened lately, and I feel like I might 
be turning some sort of corner, even though my very favourite Aunt Sadie 
reliably informs me that my karma is sitting at minus one. I’m sure that 
can’t be right. She also tells me that I’m ‘the ultimate tart’, and I’ve got 
no idea how that rumour got started either. Not that I mind. It’s nice to 
have a reputation, no matter how unfounded it might be.

Here are some headings with some things under them:

SILLUSTRATION

One of the good things that happened to me lately was that I found out that 
I've been sillustrated! Perhaps I shouldn’t say that this is a good thing 
until I’ve actually SEEN the sillustration; it might be most unflattering. 
I’ve been checking the Sinister page at regular intervals today, however, 
anxiously awaiting its arrival. Celebrity at last! I always knew I’d be 
famous one of these days. I’ll just stand by the front door of my house and 
wait for the truckloads of cash and girls to arrive, shall I? Grand.

Given the brilliance of Ulla’s previous sillustrations (of which I’m an 
enormous fan), I’m convinced that I’ll be absolutely thrilled with it when I 
finally get to see it; I’m not at all worried. Now, Ulla, you know that I’m 
tall, bronzed, buff, and devilishly handsome, yeah? A fair dinkum hunk, I 
am. So long as that’s understood, I’m sure there’ll be no problem 
whatsoever.

TRAVEL

The other quite amazingly good thing that has happened during the week is 
that I’ve made some travel plans. Travel is about the best thing you can do 
for yourself, I think, and best undertaken as a rash, spur of the moment 
decision, with no proper planning or forethought. It was in this spirit that 
I went to the travel agent last week, and started making all sorts of 
half-baked plans.

If these plans do, in fact, come together, I should be able to spend New 
Year’s Eve in New York City, although it will mean spending Christmas Day 
partly on three aeroplanes and partly in Sydney and Los Angeles airports. 
I’ve found out that it’s nigh on impossible to get any further away from 
Adelaide than New York City; it’s quite a haul. The thought that I’ll be 
travelling away from my temporarily and artificially reunited family at high 
speed, towards the most distant point from them on earth, while they’re busy 
shouting at one another, though, is deeply comforting.

Plus, I’m travelling halfway around the world in an Easterly direction, so 
Christmas Day ends up being enormously long. I’m not sure if this is a good 
or a bad thing, yet, but I’ll let you know. I normally end up drinking and 
arguing at Christmas time (it’s a time-honoured family tradition), so maybe 
I’ll just get stuck into the drinks cart and have a go at the poor sod 
sitting next to me. I’ll blame it on homesickness, if questioned.

A benefit to the fact that New York City is so far from home, though, is 
that a ‘round the world’ ticket is only very slightly more expensive than a 
return fare. So, if I can get an extra week away from work, I’ll be able to 
spend a little time in the UK as well, on the way home. Which is obviously 
enormously exciting, particularly since I’ve never been. I’ll most likely 
spend the majority of my time in London, where I have my very favourite 
cousin to stay with, but I’m hoping to be able to see a little more of the 
country than that too, and possibly a little of Scotland, if I have time. 
There are a couple of you I’d love to visit, for a start – you almost 
certainly know who you are, and I’ll keep you posted. It’s a shame it won’t 
be picnic weather, really, but then it’s always the right time of year for a 
pub-nic.

Perhaps the most exciting thing of all, however, is the fact that this trip 
will enable me to finally meet up with the listee on whom I have a great big 
crush. I’ll not make her turn pink by naming names, but she knows that I 
think she’s simply the bee’s knees. It’ll almost certainly turn out to be a 
complete disaster (it’s me, after all), but I’m still rather curious to 
discover what sort of disaster it will be, exactly. I won’t say any more 
than that for the time being, and I might or might not let you know how it 
turns out, depending on how embarrassing it is for all concerned.

I’m also spending a few days in Melbourne in a couple of weeks to visit my 
sister and attend a conference. That would normally be pretty exciting in 
itself, but seems a bit ‘ho hum’ in comparison with what’s coming up in a 
couple of months. My sister is showing some signs of promise, though, 
despite suffering some dreadful taste in music of late. I bought her The Boy 
With The Arab Strap for a present last year, and she now tells me that she’s 
gone and bought IYFS and FYHCYWLAP off her own bat. Apparently even her 
fiancée is listening to them at home now, which I consider a huge victory. I 
bet I’ll giggle when I go to visit, though, and see those three sleeves 
sitting quietly in amongst the Cold Chisel and ACDC that so conspicuously 
dominated the CD rack the last time I visited.

WILLS VS RACHELS VS CHRISES MIXTAPE CHALLENGE MADNESS

Um, I’d love to join in this one as an honorary somethingorother with a 
humorous nickname, but unfortunately I don’t have a tape deck. If any of you 
would like me on your team, though, please email me for my postal address. 
You can then post Ken Chu out to me directly, and I’ll play him some songs 
round at my place, making sure to swap the CDs over really quickly between 
songs. It’s the next best thing, I promise you. Plus, I can get him drunk 
while he’s here, and introduce him to some girls, which might swing things 
in our favour. Any takers?

FANTASY INDIE FOOTBALL

I’m not getting in on this one, though, I’m afraid. I was tempted to say it 
was because we don’t have the talent here, but that’s completely untrue. The 
real reason I’m not entering is because I’m too lazy, and I don’t even 
remotely understand the rules.

I remember being challenged to come up with a ‘best of all-time’ fantasy 
football team by some mates in high school that knew considerably more about 
such things than I did. I put Jesus Christ in goal, and figured that whoever 
else I had on the pitch, I could at least count on a nil-all draw.

They claimed that I knew nothing about football (actually, we call it 
‘soccer’ here – ‘football’, or more commonly ‘footy’, is something else, and 
even more inexplicable). I claimed that the rules needed to be better 
defined. I think we were both right.

HANGOVERS

Um, here’s some content, sort of. The song ‘Ease Your Feet In The Sea’ seems 
somehow to be perfectly suited to a hungover mental state. If I wake up 
feeling particularly bad, I’ll often listen to this song three or four times 
before doing a single other thing.

The perfect hangover cure, by the way, is a fried egg, vegemite and 
mayonnaise sarny, consumed along with large quantities of strong, black 
coffee while listening to this song. This is then followed by hair of the 
dog, administered as soon as the pubs open. I strongly recommend it. Just be 
careful not to get hold of so much hair that you wind up with enough to 
constitute a whole new dog. It’s a trap for young players, that, and one to 
which I’ve fallen prey more than once. Still, you live and learn, huh? Well, 
you live.

GIVING UP THE FAGS

I haven’t had a cigarette in sixteen days! Woohoo! But, um, who’s counting? 
Ahem.

ON THE PULL

Many thanks have to go, surely, to Lindsey Baker. Your posts always contain 
valuable pulling tips, and trust me; I’m taking notes. You’re a thoroughly 
entertaining and informative resource. If only you’d put together a handy 
pocket edition (‘The Concise Lindsey Baker’?), I’m sure all of us chaps 
would become completely unstoppable.

But why be a community service when you could be making a killing in the 
commercial world? With the number of influential bookstore and library sorts 
on this list, this could be THE book for the rapidly approaching holiday 
season. Whether you want to be held responsible for unleashing the book that 
will surely instigate some sort of worldwide indie-boy shag-a-thon is 
something to consider, I suppose, but you really need to ask yourself 
whether the juggernaut that would be this collected repository of precious 
knowledge should, or indeed could, be contained by one person alone.

It might be sheer folly to attempt to stand in its way. I think that, 
ultimately, history will be the judge.

APOLOGIES

To those to whom email is owed: I’m not only very busy this week, but a 
terrible, terrible person.

To all of you, actually: I’ve just realized how long this is. I must REALLY 
be procrastinating today. Eek. Sorry to you too then, boss.

Stay lovingly coated in full-cream dairy milk chocolate.

Bulk love,
	-David.

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