Sinister: beyond our ken

[robin stout]

JARVIS

Hmm.. I'm not that impressed with the new Pulp album. The song aren't bad, 
it's just that Jarvis has done it all before and better. Weeds is a just 
Misshapes with leaves; Wickerman is Sheffield: Sex City without the sex. 
I'll probably like it eventually, though, it's just the at the moment I'd 
rather hear the Mull Historical Society, and to think that a Pulp album came 
out last week and I'm not listening to it all the time is a bit depressing.

JAYS

Mind you, Jarvis still gives a terrific interview:

"What is your favourite bird?

Jarvis Cocker: Would you like to see it? I'll draw it for you (draws)...Long 
tail feathers...it's a Jay. For a bird you can find in the British Isles, 
you can't beat a Jay. It's mainly a dusty pink colour with little bits of 
blue and black colouring on it. The first time I saw it was in Norfolk when 
I was walking in a field. I thought it was some exotic bird that got lost 
but apparently Jays are quite common in this country. You can generally see 
them in open countryside, so look out for the Jay. "


JOBS

Archel asked:

>maybe you can
>give me some hints about acquiring a proper job

..and then went out and got one. Well, Archel, I wouldn't have been much 
help anyway because I don't have a *proper* job - I'm a civil servant. That 
basically means I sit about a lot pretending to be working and not really 
doing any. It also means I have an endless and multicoloured supply of pens.

JUNE

I'd never worked in an office before and the only stuff I knew about how 
offices work was what I'd seen on telly, in particular The Office*, which 
I'd always assumed was a sitcom and not a documentary. A little worryingly, 
telly's proved to be a pretty accurate guide...

The other day the office "reclaimed" all of the teapots in the tea rooms 
after they'd been there for 20 years, because they were "government 
property". The staff were all busy sharpening their pencils ready for war, 
and fiercely guarding their spoons in case they went next, but luckily the 
office backed down and replaced them. The staff were so happy, you'd have 
thought Jesus had arrived with a big box of sweets.

And a girl in a room near me has fallen out with the person she sits 
opposite and built a wall out of cardboard between them so she doesn't have 
to see him. She'd only been working here for two weeks.

Really, it's worryingly like a sitcom. Any day soon our manager will be 
replaced by June Whitfield**. The only sane ones around here are me and my 
plant, Millicent. Isn't that right, Millie? Well at least the pay's good, 
and if I'm ever short of cash I can always go and sell some of these pens.

JIHAD

Anthrax, eh? Apparently the "suspicious white powder" that was found in a 
sorting office in Bradford last week turned out to be a crushed packet of 
Love Hearts. Not only did the post office crush some poor child's sweets, 
but someone actually *tasted* the powder to see what it was and decided that 
it wasn't sherbert, but was probably anthrax. Gawd 'elp us if some actually 
does turn up.

JEEPERS!

The cover of the new single is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. 
Those wet noses and cute little faces... arrrgh!

Right then, I'm off to sell some pens.

Robin x


* and **
After trying to explain to an American what Guy Fawkes night was ("Well, you 
see we make an effigy of a Catholic and stick it on a bonfire"), it occurred 
to me how English I am and how often I refer to things that half of you 
folks haven't got a hope of understanding. So, from this day on, I offer to 
provide Robin's British Information Service, where if you're from another 
country and you email me with a question about British culture you don't 
understand, I'll answer it the best I can.

Like: "If English automobiles don't have trunks, how can I carry my 
cookies?"

That sort of thing.

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