Sinister: summer,pencil cases and trashy bilefilth...

[Desmond Torpey]

hello :)
..hmmmm... the seasons changing again...its funny how
the weather creeps up on you...last week i was
wandering around basking in the late august warmth
like autumn was just a myth...and then *thwack*...the
cold air hits you in the face as you shiver in your
t-shirt at the bus stop...you know its the last time
you'll feel the sunshine stroking on your arms or be
able to lie in parks in the evenings running your
hands through the grass as the sky turns a million
different colours...i am too obsessed with the weather
for my own good...it affects my mood more than is
surely healthy...autumn is kind of different this year
though...september doesnt bring the usual dread, the
usual worry,the usual misery of the prospect of
another nine months in captivity...no education to go
back to for the first time in 14 years..this may of
course only be temporary and my foray into *the real
world* may only last a year before i retreat back to
the loving bosom of eternal studenthood...but i still
felt a tinge of regret as i passed WH Smiths...buying
a new and ever more elaborate pencil case and rulers
for the new term was probabaly about the only
enjoyable thing about the whole affair..but your mind
plays tricks and you find yourself missing things you
never thought you would miss in a thousand years...its
perhaps the easy life that i miss...exams and actually
working for money were miles away from my mind ten
years ago...so why, against my better judgment, am i
actually missing the concept of school? perhaps thats
just it...i'm missing the 'concept' of something
rather than what it actually was...i've made it into
something that it never was in the first place..all
through their lives people are always looking to the
past and regretting what they didnt do or what they've
missed or how dearly they would love to go back and do
it all again...and i never wanted to think like
that...because you should be able to look back and
think 'i had a bloody great time'...or if you're
really lucky you never look back at all and just live
your life at breakneck speed, never having time to
reflect that second too long and bring yourself
down...but then sometimes reflection is necessary to
keep yourself sane..if you didnt take time to reflect
on what you've done and what you've acheived then
whats the point of doing it in the first place?..i
guess nobody is ever truly happy with their past
otherwise they wouldnt bother sticking around for
today...where was i?...argh...live for today?
perhaps...or maybe live for tommorow..tommorow never
comes so you wont be dissapointed...oh wow i'm really
lost now...my brain has just been mangled by selling
danielle steel books all day...if i ever saw that
woman in the street i think i would beat her over the
head with one of her own appalling trashy mass
produced bilefilth novels until her eyes popped
out...work may have turned me into a pyschopath
too...umm...i've talked rubbish for far too long...
ta ta..

PS : everyone go and buy the reindeer section
album...despite reviews to the contrary and the
general dodgyness of collaborative affairs like this
its absoloutly woooonderful :) 

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