Sinister: As if I could think of a subject line at a time like this

[Laura Llew]

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of chaos,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance.......

It's obvious why I'm posting since there's no other reason -  no other topic 
of which - someone could write at the moment. I was told that I shouldn't do 
this since; there have already been so many and I have nothing new to add. 
This contains no revelations or comforting solace to explain away anything. 
It won't even cause you to have shinier new looking floor tiles. Nor is 
there even a fresh lemon scent.
My sincere apologies on all counts.

Someone mentioned calling or being around those you loved because, among 
other things, this has reminded us all of what is really dear in life. I 
have no one to call or be around so instead I shall write to y'all.  Thus, 
this is purely out of selfish desires - to somehow reason something where 
there is no sense to be found (a bit like an Aqua song).

EE Cummings wrote a haunting verse which has been stalking me around for 
weeks now (Stalking? Yes. Perhaps the reason I find it haunting, eh?)

"When any mortal even the most odd,
can justify the ways of man to God,
I find it odd that normal mortals can
not justify the ways of God to man."

Then today, something happened which is so completely unjustifiable on 
anyone's behalf that it's left me beyond bewildered. My little community 
here in North Carolina is completely horrified. I got a call earlier that 
everyone is fasting & praying because of what has happened so please don't 
think that, as someone else said,  we just see this as an interruption in 
our daily routine. (I was at the bookshop when I heard. Well, when I read 
about it. I had to go on-line because no one could speak coherently enough 
about it to let me know what was happening. They just told me to pray. Can 
you tell I'm in the Bible Belt?)

Jer mentioned my favorite movie, Harold & Maude (which I'm thinking of going 
and watching as soon as I send this). Oddly enough the Cat Stevens song, 
"Trouble" (which appears in H&M)  has been what's been running through my 
mind all day:

Trouble
Oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face
And it's too much too much for me

Trouble
Oh trouble can't you see
You're eating my heart away
And there's nothing much left of me

It seems as if boys named William are veritable fountains of wisdom. So, I 
hope Bill Harris doesn't mind if I share a story he told me which the Dali 
Lama tells about a Buddist monk who was imprisoned by the Chinese after they 
invaded Tibet. Apparently this monk was tortured mercilessly for years. I 
mean *tortured*, not just having Mentos commercials set on repeat for months 
on end. After he eventually escaped, he made it to see the Lama. The Lama 
asked him if he were afraid of dying during this time. The monk answered 
that the only thing he was afraid of was losing his compassion for his 
jailors/torturers because once that went, so did his soul. With that Bill 
reminded me of the importance to feel compassion not only for those who are 
dead and their friends and family, but also for those whose souls are so 
crippled they have no compassion left (the terrorists). When we venture into 
hate, aren't we already lost?

Mm, he summed it up so much better than I. That really helped me (thank you 
Billzebub) which is why I shared it.  Like most things in life you can't do 
anything to change the past; all you can do is control how you let it change 
you.

So big huge hugs to all of the NY & DC sinister massive - Sexpot Sauer, Will 
Porter, Arik (who I was terrified for as I thought he was flying today), 
Phil, Ben, Laurel, Brian, Matthew. I'm glad to hear that y'all are all 
phsycially sound. I just heard Eric the half bee buzzing which is the 
biggest relieve since I was terribly worried over his silence. I can 
absolutely in no way imagine what it must be like to be in the middle of it 
all. It's horrifying enough to watch it on televison (which I'm morbidly 
glued to at times) but to actually be there admist it all -I can't 
comprehend. If anyone needs anything from me, I shall winningly whip on my 
awesome alliterative Superhero stunt caring cape and be there in a flying 
flash. Is there any word yet on those who were going to be traveling today 
(ie Jay)?

I switch my vote to being terribly happy that Sinister decided to only do 
west coast gigs afterall.

Laura

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