Sinister: We woke up one morning, and fell a little further down...

[Photojenni27 at xxx.com]

I woke up this morning, and wondered if yesterday had all been some sickening 
nightmare, that I had fallen asleep with the TV showing some Hollywood 
disaster and the details had just seeped into my subconcious. 
Yet when I went downstairs for a cup of coffee, I saw the pictures all over 
again. Is it just me or does it still seem so eerily unreal? It is like the 
whole world has been watching a State sponsored Hollywood blockbuster. But 
it's not. And everytime I see and hear more, I can't stop shaking.
Yesterday I watched the pictures on the news over and over...and I still 
can't believe such malice exists in the world. I first found out at work, and 
the whole factory and office stopped and crowded around a TV to watch fire 
and devastation. Sickened, I went outside for a cigarette. Halfway through 
one of my colleagues told me the second tower had collapsed and before they 
were showing pictures of people jumping to their death. All day I physically 
shook and felt sick. That was only from looking at the pictures. God only 
knows the emotions that the relatives of the dead are feeling at the moment. 
I come from an American family, although I live in Manchester and have lived 
in England for most of my life. I myself have dual nationality. My mother is 
American. I have a large family who are spread out across America. We've been 
trying to phone America now for over 24 hours. As far as I know, none of them 
are in New York, but it's mainly for our peace of mind. This is the first 
time that I have felt myself to be truly American....I apologise if that 
sounds strange, but I see holes ripped in masonry and office paper falling 
like black confetti for the dead and just want to rush to America and protect 
those I love. I want to fall at the feet of the Government of both countries 
and beg them not to be too hasty, because I am so scared for those that I 
love.
I am sickened. I am angry. I am absolutely petrified. But I do not want War.
Saying this, I do believe in retaliation against those who committed this 
act. But violence breeds violence. And fingers being pointed before the 
culprits come forward is never the way to solve these problems. I would like 
to think that the people who committed and induced this act will recieve 
punishment of the eternal kind.
I am not religious. But this morning I lit candles in my local Cathedral for 
the dead on my way to work. My thoughts are with those on this list who have 
lost people. I hope you find solace in whatever way you can. Music always 
helps for me. Someone talked about listening to Godspeedyoublackemperor! 
throughout this. I know I have been. "The dead flag blues" fits the 
apocalyptic scenes so well.
I apologise if this is clumsy. I am still in shock and more numb than I ever 
thought possible.
I just hope that no one is going through this alone.
Our world has changed and grown scarier and colder. Lets just hope that we 
don't become too hardened by it all.

Cay
xXx  

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