Sinister: nice day for a pulk

[Bron]

okay so i've mixed a little radiohead in with my 
b&s for the subject title... is that a crime?  
oh well, i've done it.

**********

have you ever forgotten yourself before?  like, 
oops!  well shiot, i knew i left her (him) 
somewhere around here...now if only i could 
remember what she (he) looks like so i can find 
her (him)...  dammit.  alright, well i'm sure 
she'll (he'll) show up sometime...  

the loud perversity with which i exclaimed how 
much i lovel myself has gotten me all twisted up 
and then it's like, well sure i can't get enough 
of how cool it is to be me and then while warped 
in my inner distraction i found the most 
contorted-barely-strummin-being i've ever dared 
to set eyes on...and then she whispered somethin 
in my ear incomprehensible.....and then she 
disappeared.  yeah that would have been my 
withered ego that i chose to falsify for a 
healthier one of sorts for my own benefit.  i 
wonder what it is i loved so much?  and if any 
of what i assumed was inside of me really ever 
existed in the first place... it's like all 
those doors let me in and out, but never 
opened.  it's like i was one of those kids 
meltin in the doorway but just had to keep the 
gang together... ya know?

and now it's kinda like... here i go!  like, 
here is this road.  there's some crap around the 
edges to try and trip me up, but if i just focus 
on this road, well then... i can start walkin 
down it and not worry about all the cars zoomin 
80 miles per hour past my slowly-thinning 
body... and i'll eventually make out the road 
signs and i'll just keep walkin and maybe just 
maybe one day, i'll figure out where i am.  it's 
just as if a person were to stay inside a 
building all day they'd never know where the 
building really was in relation to other 
buildings or even what part of the city they 
were in...  it's like, maybe one day i'll 
remember where i am, and more importantly, who i 
am, and why i am who i am, and where to go next.

***********

somebody tell me if figuring out inner conflicts 
and then posting them is list abuse.  if it is, 
i'll stop.

peace and lighter warmer days to come to you 
sinister,

----your mountain mama sweetheart   X




***Sometimes you get shown the light in 
the strangest of places if you look at 
it right***  ---Jerry.
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