Sinister: nice day for a pulk

[lindsey baker]

hello sinister.

i'm replying.

bron wrote:
>it's
>just as if a person were to stay inside a
>building all day they'd never know where the
>building really was in relation to other
>buildings or even what part of the city they
>were in...  it's like, maybe one day i'll
>remember where i am, and more importantly, who i
>am, and why i am who i am, and where to go next.

this is lovely, i thought upon my first reading of it. reading it over 
again, thinking i was surely going to say something about it at some point 
to someone or other (and why not the whole of sinister?), it reminded me of 
a conversation i had with someone recently.

i think it started with my telling a boy story. i have a never-ending supply 
of those, all gems in their own right. and somehow everything shifted to 
beauty and what was beautiful, and how beauty can be measured by each person 
based on one's own understanding of it. and eventually i just stopped 
talking, and a little later i was sitting in the middle of my unmade bed, 
watching tears drip off of my cheeks and onto the blankets, making small wet 
splotches on the blue expanse while the voice on the other end of the line 
told me a story about a parasite in a man's body.

and bron's reference to the buildings kind of reminded me of it. and i 
suppose i should tell the story at this point, but i won't, you see, because 
i feel selfish today. but i think the point of the story is that whatever is 
outside yourself and the world you create for yourself will always be 
different than what you imagine. and the differences between what you hope 
for and what you end up receiving are part of what makes the outside, the 
hoped for, worthwhile.

and beautiful.

you are who you are because you have nothing else to be.

i think. maybe.

maybe.

xxx lou



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