Sinister: Life's not wrong - you just don't get it free
Dimitra Daisy
zoziepop at xxx.com
Tue Apr 23 23:04:02 BST 2002
Referring to the greek pop scene, I always used the phrase if such a thing
exists. It seems I was wrong, or how else can it be explained that there is
at least- one boy in Manila who knows so much about it, about five times as
much as I do. I was very surprised and it took me a while to get round to
asking him why he likes these bands They remind me of Sarah Records, he
said; they make me happy inside. I guessed there were more things he
wanted to say but he couldnt do so in English. Find an example, I wanted to
say, but I didnt. He did nonetheless: he showed me an article and as I
started to read it I got excited and told everyone I could find around, and
quoted about half of it to Rachel.
The article can be found here: http://www.furia.com/twas/twas0210.html , but
dont go and read it and tell me it doesnt say all the things I think it
says, cause I know it. Its more that it inspired me to those thoughts than
that I found those thoughts there.
On Saturday I went to lunch with my best friend. It was nice though the
conversation was confusing. I say one thing, then proceed to say almost the
opposite, he said in the end. I looked at him:
I asked Jef a question and he couldnt answer it, but he showed me and
article, and the article was supposed to be about Field Mice, but it was
about Sarah Records, the label they recorded for, but thats not important
and it was about how their view of things changed his life, or just fitted
into it, how it was his pop dream but thats not very important and he
mentioned someone on that label that had committed suicide but thats not
very important either
Whats important is that in the end he said, music
cant save you if you havent decided youll be saved. And the conversations
with you would lead somewhere more, if you had decided you want to get
somewhere. He replied something I forgot for a few days.
Yesterday morning I woke up to find Matt had posted, so I read it, still
half-asleep. And still half-asleep, I looked for that article again without
really realising it, and I found myself looking at it, too sleepy to read it
really. And I thought about how things wont make you believe in them they
wont convince you- if youve not decided to believe in them. And I wanted
to find a good way to say that.
A few hours later, making tape covers, I decided I wanted to photocopy
something, so I got dressed and went out to walk the 50 meters between my
house and the shop, but I bumped into that friend and a friend of his
halfway. I run down the street shouting hey little boy and even though
they know me very well and they know I do stuff like that, and they like it,
they looked surprised when they turned around their usual grumbly selves
faced me, smiling and smelling of strawberry chewing gum. I wasnt
ecstatically happy, but the sun was shining and the air was sweet and
running down the street is fun, so I was smiling. And for the first few
seconds, they stared; and I didnt remember the article, instead I
remembered what my friend had said: you and your friends he means my
internet friends, mostly Rachel and John- were born knowing what you want
from life, while me and the people I know still feel we have to question
everything.
All I know is I am inclined to believe and I tend to like things.
But once I had asked him what Breaking Gods Heart means and he said:
Dancing naked in a red forest
Falling in love so much you make him jealous
Loving your favourite band more than you love him
And wanting when you die to live forever in your favourite film and not go
to heaven.
I made him write it on the back of a photograph (which I seem to have lost).
Then he fell asleep (on the floor - well not right afterwards but very soon)
and I sat making a tape and thinking we're breaking his (her) heart when
we're not as beautiful as we can be. When we're not even trying to be close.
And also when we are beautiful and sweet and brave -I think we move him to
tears then.
I dont think he doesnt know; I think he just finds it hard to admit hes
not like most people around him
Cause then, as Ken eloquently remarked,
then your friend base is confined to just the people who are tolerant
enough to not just dismiss you as being strange, or that they kinda like you
as a person. *
He will some day though.
Meanwhile, you keep the faith
Dimitra
xx
* Ken is great, hes insightful and sweet and honest and bouncy. And he
smiles a lot. You should love him for that. And naturally, show your love by
sending crush votes to pykachu100 at hotmail.com
ps I would never had written this, or lived the things it talks about, if it
hadn't been for Hefner, the Field Mice, Raining Pleasure and naturally Belle
and Sebastian. And so I thank them for that.
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