Sinister: it must be the colors & the kids that keep me alive

[juju fox]

yellow hair, you are a funny bear.


but i have black hair now. actually, it was blue for a
few days. that was fun. i bought a silky blue blouse
with dreamy sleeves just to match. then i had a *real
day* with an email boy named jonathan. we had a picnic
on a green near the MOMA in his hometown of san
francisco. i bought him a bubble blowing set for his
birthday. and we brought a frisbee, but it was a
better day for kites. however, we just ended up
drawing self-portraits with crayons and colored
pencils, and one of them was him and i with our
respective cats peeking out from behind us on a plaid
aeroplane in space flying toward an ikea planetoid
chair complete with cupholders. we named the planetoid
chair "jüjønskå". we double exposed izone photos and
looked at neato modern art things. then we met up with
some friends to see miyazaki's "spirited away" in
japanese. it was sweet and too cute. i think i popped,
it was so cute. after the movie and dinner, the real
day came to a close with receipt of one preciously
wrapped gift, which i insisted on not opening for a
while, just so i could cherish the thought of getting
a gift for no apparent reason, wrapped in such a way
that i'd have wrapped myself to give to someone i
liked. but once i got in bed at home (100 miles
later), i opened it as fast as i could, and played
with the toys therein until i felt sleepy.

it was a good day. the only thing that could've made
it better is if it didn't matter that the email boy
wasn't someone else.

one year has passed since *he* entered my life. the
events have repeated, but the results have been
painfully different. it's as if my being expected it
all to happen again. but he came and went, without
Thee Moment recurring. so i know... i know that it's
done. and it's time to move on. 

so i'll have real days once in a while. but i've
resigned myself to living with a certain emptiness in
there. and someday i'll put oil to canvas to depict
it. it'll look like one of those neato modern art
things. with a big fat hole in it where some orange
used to be.

i shouldn't be listening to cat power. i should be
sleeping. 


hearts,
juju



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