Sinister: where do all the dreamers go?

[Bron]

dear sinister i'm afraid i'm in distress tonight.  for months now i've been having idealistic 
dreams for the future, nothing definite, just crazy fantasies of endless mountains and 
far-reaching blazing skies of clouds and a moon that will traverse across it on an endless 
journey to the break of dawn.

i'm a dreamer.  i'm an artist without her art.  the foundation for my life was laid thousands of 
sunsets ago, golden hopes of inspiration and profound influences of well-behaved support were 
instilled in my being.  where did it all go?  why is music so easy to fall in love with and why is 
it when the man of my DREAMS comes along and has to turn my restless ocean of tortured 
emotions into a calm sea of pretty pictures?  where is the movement of the thirsty soul?  what 
is left but the darkening gray sky of the future evening?  sure the thunderstorm left us in awe, 
but what happened to the bright-flash-wow of the lightning?  did we all put on our shades and 
look to the left while all the right reasons catapulted forward?

i'm starting to talk abstractly.  perhaps i have been this whole time.  but it's something.  
maybe you think it's nothing.  i really couldn't care less what you think it is, and that is why i 
keep bouncing these shaking fingertips across these plastic buttons of logic and order called 
a keyboard.  it's symbolic of how i feel at this moment though.  fuzzy.  unclear.  forsaken.

if i were to talk to a real person right now, no doubt i'd cry.  silly isn't it?  if someone were to 
see me crack right now it's almost as if there would be no glue to fix it.  so i'll just write to all 
you sinisterines...whether you give a good damn or not.  there is comfort in getting something 
off your chest and not seeing the other's facial expression, not having to deal with their 
immediate sentiments if they do not jive with your own at the time.  

i'm listening to "air" right now.  which could be a bad thing...  luck and unhappy.  that's the 
song that just came on.  how fitting.  i should listen to something else right now...like abba or 
some other shallow pop band that only sounds best when not pronouncing an actual word.

hmm.  i'll shut up now.  and i'll apologize if you're an abba fan.  i am fan too really.  well sort 
of.
right.

---your mountain mama sweetheart  X




"The differences between what you hope 
for and what you end up receiving are 
part of what makes the outside, the 
hoped for, worthwhile...and beautiful."
---the Lovely Lou
http://www.care2.com - Get your Free e-mail account that helps save Wildlife!
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+