Sinister: five candles

[kevancooke at xxx.com]

----- Original Message -----
From: "ian" <hobart at xxx.uk>
To: "Rachel Playforth" <R.Playforth at sussex.ac.uk>; <sinister at missprint.org>
Sent: Wednesday, August 21, 2002 9:45 PM
Subject: Re: Sinister: five candles


> (there's some relevant content at the bottom of this.  not much, though.
> xxx ian)
>
>
> i never would have looked inside, if nobody had mentioned it.
> some doors are best kept closed, especially those with banging noises
behind
> them.
> i was worried it might be a giant rat, or a party of escaped prisoners,
who,
> having tunnelled all the way from winson green,  had ended up in my airing
> cupboard.
>
> like last time.
>
> last time was very painful.  they stayed for a while, tied up the boyf,
ate
> my biscuits, refused to shag me, and nicked my jose feliciano cd.  i can
> live with the rejection and the danger, but i really miss hearing 'don't
let
> the sun catch you crying'.
>
> anyway.  i wouldn't have looked inside, had nobody mentioned it.  but
> somebody did:
>
>
> she said
>
> *PPS. Welcome Carl!  I believe there is some shady sinisterine called Ian
> *resident in Brum, but you don't want to get involved with his particular
> *brand of sin and depravity, trust me.  He kept a NUN in his CLOSET you
> *know.
>
> archel fucking playforth...with her rumour mill churning all day and
night.
> its no good, dear.  you can wash the dirty linen of others in public, but
it
> won't hide those nasty crotchless knickers you've got on your OWN LINE!
>
> but, in the very depths of my mind, underneath the baby-oil soaked piles
of
> porn, the rusty coat-hangers and the piles of rotting vegetation, there
WAS
> a memory of a nun.
> i wondered...
>
>
> she appeared to be restrained, and gagged.  and to have her foot caught in
> some sort of man-trap.  when i tried to untie her, she attacked me.  so i
> re-did the knots, and put her other foot in the man-trap.
>
> funny, these thumbscrews look familiar too.
>
> anyway, she ranted for a while, and screamed that she was going to kill
me,
> and that i had no right to do what i had done, and that god would punish
me.
> the usual stuff people say.  it irritated me a little, because it did
rather
> get in the way of 'big boys take it backwards', but after i smacked her
with
> a hello kitty casserole dish she quietened down.
>
>   she's clearly quite mad though:
>
> 'i came to you for help.  you attacked me, tied me up, and put me in
there.
> two months ago.'
>
> 'but i wouldn't do that.  you're a nun'
>
> 'i pointed that out to you.  it didn't seem to matter.  you muttered
> something about stilettoes and suspenders and then hit me with a 'snuffy
the
> small brown dog' frying pan.  when i woke up, i was in there'.
>
> she SAYS she's lived on insects, and drops of water from the boiler.
>
> i must get that leak fixed.
>
> anyway, i felt a bit bad.  whatever has happened clearly isn't my fault,
but
> i hate to see a fellow human being in distress.  she seemed to want
> somewhere to stay, so i told her she could sleep in my shed, and could use
> my computer to surf the net for porn if she wanted to.  i've kept her foot
> in the man trap, though.  it doesn't pay to be too trusting.
>
> its a dangerous, dangerous world out there, my friends.
>
> keep the faith.  keep an eye out.  keep smiling through, just like you
> always do.
>
> and remember, ne'er cast a clout before may is out.
>
> i love you
> xx
> ian
>
>
> oh, and hi carl.  welcome to the list.  we had a birmingham picnic a while
> back.  we'll have another one again soon, hopefully.  are the rest of you
> midlanders up for it?  mail me if you are, and let me know.
>
>
>
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>  +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
>  +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
>  +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
>  +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
>  +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
>  +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
>  +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
>
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>
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+