Sinister: so this is christmas....

[Christine Irene]

hello everyone.  i haven't posted in ages.  i was
intending to send a christmas post to give everyone a
well wishing...a pall was cast over this intention
today.  
this morning, round 6 am, my father died.  
he and i had had plenty of "issues", but none of them
seem to matter now.
i was raised by my grandparents and when my father
escaped death 10 years ago, i thought i would be in
the clear in that regard for many years to come.
i thought that i would be fine in the event of his
death.  i have found this to be false.  i have been a
mess all day.  i see little sense in this entire
situation.
i do find some solace,however, in the fact that in the
past 10 years, my father was able to become for my
little sister what he could never be for my older
siblings and i.
i don't really know what else to say.  i don't know
why i am posting any of this really.  i suppose i am
using the list as a panacea. a way to get my thoughts
out of my head into the blind abyss of cyberdom.
wishing you a merrier christmas than mine...
~stine

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