Sinister: I've been beat up, I've been thrown down, but I'M NOT DOWN

[Matthew Henderson]

Hello sinister,

The most depressing thing in life is hopelesness.  The thought that there is 
no way out.  That it won't end.  I can take on a lot of things, as long as I 
know they will end.  I've been drowning in hopelesness for some strange 
reason for weeks now.  Hope is usually the only way I can make it through 
the day with a smile on my face.  And, well, I haven't really been smiling 
very much recently.

Everything has an opposite.  Every coin has a flip-side.  Some people hate 
to think of when good things end.  I remember when I went out with a girl a 
few years ago, I was very sad because I knew it would end.  It had to.  I 
was having so much fun.  but it was high school.  And those things have a 
way of ending.  In december, I was in Glasgow and Belfast.  I knew they 
would end.  I still had a blast, but I knew, back in my mind, they would 
end.  Why was I letting this thought beat down my good times, but not lift 
up the bad times?  If all good things come to an end, surely all bad things 
do to?  I think the key to beating depression is finding that end, or at 
least knowing it's out there.  I found my end.  I know it will end.  All of 
this.  It's going to end.  And relatively soon.  And there is the 
possibility it will get better.  People will still annoy me, I'll still be 
bored all the time, school will still worry me, but only now, it's going to 
be a little easier.  There will be this nice, warm glow surrounding 
everything.  All the pain and sorrow won't be so bad, because there seems to 
be a voice whispering in my ear "it's almost over.  don't worry.  something 
new will come along."

Thank fucking Christ.  It's almost over.

Keep your hopes up kids,
-Matt

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