Sinister: :tcejbuS (Now that's a riddle)

[Steven M Rhodes]

Hello ahain
(Note to Self: ahain should be spelt AGAIN)
(Self: Roger that.)

Hello Again,

Last week I was making a cup coffee and after pouring in the milk, I had
this momentary lapse of reason and instead of putting the milk back in the
fridge, I put it in the cupboard. Have you ever done this? I actually did a
similar thing the other day. I was driving home from work and instead of
driving home I flew to Geraldton, Western Australia. It was really
embarrassing. Another time I went to hang the washing on the line and I
ended up driving a bullock plough across a rice paddock in the mountains of
Cambodia. Boy, was my face red.

I was walking near my house and I walked past this grass paddock that had a
sign on the fence that said "CAUTION HORSES. DO NOT ENTER"
And I thought "what a shame that horses can't go in there because it was a
perfect horse paddock. It had hay bales and stables and water troughs.  How
inappropriate. Here is a perfect horse enclosure and they're not allowed in.
I mean, that's ludicrous. I felt personally offended by that. Although as I
walked past a little bit more, I noticed that a couple of horses had
actually snuck in and were eating a bit of the hay, so that cheered me up a
bit.

Aren't jellyfish weird? When God was making all the animals he was famished
and so went on a lunch break. He took a bit of chill time and he had a
snack, and everyone knows that God was quite partial to a jelly-based treat.
And he was looking at it and thought "I like this jelly. Thy jelly speaks to
thee." And I'm quoting this from the Bible, it's from the original texts.
And God said "I will make thee into an animal," So he brought it to life and
he sat and looked at his creation but he felt it lacked something. Just then
Moses wandered into the holy snack room and fixed himself some rice pudding
for he was famished from having parted thy sea. And Moses said to God "I
know what it's lacking. It needs arms and legs and eyes and ears and a mouth
and a nose." And hearing this God said unto Moses "Moses, why don't you just
get the hell out of here. You've made me lose my train of thought."
After looking at the jellyfish for a long while God said "I know, I've got
it! What this jellyfish needs is thousands upon thousands of poisonous
stinging tentacles. Of course! Not another thing."
And Moses said "But God, what about a brain. Everything needs a brain?" And
God slowly pointed his finger at Moses and said "Moses, I'm telling you for
the last time, just back off. I make the animals here. I decide whom will
get a brain and you part the seas and do things relating the parting of
seas."
And that's a true story kids. You probably never heard that story growing up
at Sunday school and I think that's a real shame. The world's all the more
poorer for the lack of it.

I think one of the most optimistic animals is the ant. When you're standing
in you're garden, these little things the size of a pin head just charge up
to you and bite you between the toes as hard as they can. What do they think
they're actually doing? They're saying "You're going down buddy. Come on,
bring it on. I wanna see what you got! What are you scared? C'mon!" Very
optimistic. Because of course you then reach down and kill them.

I think it's a pretty well known fact that cats don't like the beach. They
don't like the ocean, they don't like the sand and I think I know why. When
we look at the sand, we simply see a beach. When a cat looks at the sand,
all it sees is a giant kitty litter box and this intimidates them. This
amount of diversity of choice of places to shit is all too confronting for
them, too much to comprehend and quite frankly, they don't feel comfortable
with it.

Well there, I think all the important issues have been covered..........oh
wait, yeah. Belle & Sebastian. Right, of course. What a great band. They're
definately my favourite. That Stuart character; what a guy. Isobel? Isn't
she delightfully foxy.

Indeed.

Best (and worst dressed) wishes,
Steven

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