Sinister: happy

[Katia913 at xxx.com]

Sinister, sinister:

I am truly in love.  

No, not with a person, not with anything I can say or talk about with some 
sense of reality, but with everything.

Last week I got home from a terrible retreat for my catholic youth group.  
Its called Action, and it is full of the kids I went to grade school with and 
the jocks and such from my highschool.  And my old best friends.  Not a 
single person out of the group of about two hundred do I know well.  I went 
on the retreat to learn how to snowboard and because I love hills and Chicago 
is FLAT.  
       I was a leader of a cabin of nine people, two of which I know/knew one 
was a boy I had a crush on for years in grade school.  And the other seven 
were strangers from the area.  The Adult, his name was Ben and he was 25, and 
I got on well; he was a really open guy who liked to talk, and he made me 
feel good about myself.  The whole time I was there (six days) I was 
selfless, helpful and reserved.  But when Ben and I began to talk, I gained 
this strength I didn't know I had and talked loud and without stumbles.  I 
said things I only thought and I was happy.
       But the Last night a senior in my cabin got crushed, she was very 
upset about something big, and Ben and I were supposed to talk that night, he 
said he had something to tell me about. This girl, however, stole him 
upstairs with two others and I was with the freshman, who all fell asleep 
within two hours.  At Eight the next morning we were leaving, so getting 
ready to go was a big part of the night. It was about five, and I cleaned the 
whole cabin by myself.  
       For about ten minutes, Ben came back downstairs to talk to me, seeing 
that I was bored.  He complimented me on my cleaning skills and thanked me 
for making the cabin dinner.  


He told me that I HAD MY LIFE TOGETHER AND I AM THE KIND OF PERSON WHO IS NOT 
PHASED BY WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME, I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE.  

That was it, after being ignored by this rad guy for the night, he tells me 
that no one matters to me?  Everyone matters, and everything.  I ran outside 
crying.
       My retreat was horrible and I still dot believe in God.

Also, Tuesday, my boyfriend told me he was also having sex with someone else. 
 We didn't make up, so things are still on the rocks with him.

And my best friend and I are not talking and my installation at school fell 
through and I cant take the classes I want to take and I cant go out and I 
cant do what I want....



BUT I AM HAPPY.  The snow is melting and I am happy.  I went for a run with 
my dog this morning and got my pay check and I am happy without anyone.



And I AM not sorry that this is so long.  I like it this way.


Kate of Chicago


ps  Jeremy, i miss you, email me

pps  lucas, the same goes for you, i ahve your pics

ppps  Ken, you're hot
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+