Sinister: meaningless.you mean it's all been meaningless?

[Danny Farrell]

Hi lovelies,

I'm damaged bad at best
she'll decide what she wants
i'll probably be the last to know
no-one says until it shows

It's 8AM -
All pretense at that whole sleep thing is given up,i look down,alan's on my 
floor.odd is it sunday?Oh bugger it's monday,i gather my barely done 
homework.i kick the scattered cd's around to find my clothes,a case snaps.i 
sit down,it lights up.i black out.i wake.i have 28 emails,i don't have time 
to read them.

don't wimp out on me i know you've got the strength of 12 oxen
i've seen you get through these things before
just like you've seen me get through these things before

it's 10 AM -
I loose my footing in the shower.i get dizzy.i'm okay,i'm an energy drink 
connoseiur.dynamite this time.alans up now,on my pc.i smell good.i've 
showered.he's supposed to be working.he's swooning over e-mails.i laugh.i 
leave

i want the world to leave us in peace
i'd give up all my selfish little dreams
to be in hers

it's 10:30 AM -
i'm with Derek MAN 'friend', i'm at the train station.i get dizzy,i lose my 
footing,i almost fall.i don't.derek laughs,"fucking stupit sleep more poofy 
bastard danny".thanks for the advice.i get on the train,i sit.flannery has a 
crush on adam.i adore flannery basically. i look up, 
cute-girl-who-was-at-school-with-me-the-year-below is in the next 
carriage,she keeps glancing round the little alcove thing surreptitiously,i 
giggle to myself.flannery is at a party,there's wine.she looks again.i wink 
at her,she giggles and looks at her shoes,her friend growls.ah well,i never 
liked the friend anyway.the pary was good.the train stopped

these things they go away
replaced by everyday.....
i'm pining for the moon
what if there were two side by side in orbit around the fairer sun?

it's 11:45 am -
i'm smoking outside the library.it's good.i'm waiting.she appears.i hand 
over £20 and she gives me the large parcel.a book.i nervously peer inside 
the bag.cost accounting 10.required reading.i try to sleep in the library.i 
fail.i read my messages.awwww she called me dannypie.i hug myself right in 
the middle of the library

it's 12 pm -
i'm in the lab's.derek's shouting at me for not having done homework.i tell 
him i wasn't sure what day it was.he laughs at me,makes a disparaging 
remark.the usual.cute-pigtailed-accounting-girl smiles at me,i wink.she 
giggles.she maybe goes to talk,i put my head on the desk.i'm on #sini,i 
think people are there,i maybe talked.

i once had a girl
or should i say she once had me

it's 1pm -
cost accounting.i have a moment.we're on ethics.we get asked if building a 
temple for natives to be allowed to mine for oil is a bribe or if it's not 
is it wrong.raise hands.a class of twenty.i raise my hand for the bribe,for 
the wrong.i try to explain,if they were going round building temples for the 
natives out of kindness that would be wonderful,but it's no different from 
giving the mafia money to build a church or something.it's just wrong.wow we 
built a temple,not because we're good but because we need to.not charity.i 
get funny looks.derek elbows me,fucking weirdo danny.the lecturer,he laughs 
apparently he likes my spiritidness.

here it is:revenge to the tune
"you're no good
you're no good
you're no good"

it's pixie-girl time:
pixie-girl-who-may-just-be-someone-not-destined-for-accounting gazes at me 
and grins,gives me a little mock clap.i grin sheepishly and shake my 
hair.she blushes.i gaze at my shoes.derek elbows me.it ends.derek storms 
out.i laze for a while as usual.i go to walk out.pixie-girl looks at me 
"nice speech",i want to tell her that i knew she wanted to raise her hand 
too and she should have,i want to tell her she's as cute as a wee button,i 
want to say something,anything just not "thanks".i say thanks,i shake my 
hair a little,she giggles a little,i want to tell her i'm awfully tired and 
have terrible stomach cramps,to apologise for saying just thanks,i just 
stand there,she doesn't seem to mind,derek stands at the door and growls at 
me,i want to,at the very least, tell her i'll speak to her soon or 
something,anything,instead i say bye and rush off,or the closest i can come 
to rushing. derek shouts at me for keeping him late,i look back,she smiles 
at me.i smile.to myself.

i have my suspicions when the stars are in position all will be revealed
but i know until then,unless the stars surrender,all will be concealed

its 2pm -
i have classes till five,derek shouts at me for keeping us late,i want to 
explain to him,the mix of illness and pixies.i start the illness bit,he 
calls me a poofy bastard.i don't know how being gay relates to me being ill 
except i'm not and i am,maybe it's an inverse relationship.he marches off to 
class expecting me to rush to catch up to stop being a poofy bastard.i light 
up a cigarette.i go shopping.i go home.

come pick me up,take me out,fuck me up.steal my records

i've been accused of lining women up,one after another after another.a 
gaggle of women.i would reply i wish i had the ability to do that,but i 
don't,i don't wish that and i don't reply that. i tell them they obviously 
don't know me because that statement is FALSE.maybe i'll tell them that on 
the falsity scale of 1 to FALSE that statement almost drops off the right 
hand edge.generally i'm the one being hurt and for some reason someone wants 
to pick up the pieces and i let them.i hope this isn't a terrible fault.

i should say hello to someone.so:
hello.
there are people who i've never said hello to but i just know i'd get on 
great with them. there are people i do say hello to that i don't get on 
with.there are people i say hello to i should get on a lot better with.
maybe there's even someone i'd like to "get it on" with.i hope to god for 
their sake there isn't.

if i don't write back for a while it's because i'm trying to 'participate' 
but don't worry about me,i'll be okay,or i will be soon enough

your lonely and ill but ever hopeful
dannypie xxx


don't be sad,don't be sad
we don't have to live this way forever
don't be sad,don't be sad

(fade out)





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