Sinister: Ease your face in the sea (Brighton Beporting Back)

[Kenneth P Y Chu]

Hello sinistees,

Still drunk from not sleeping for 2 days on Friday evening, I took a train 
down to London for the start of a pun packed weekend.

First was a birthday party in a mansion at Primrose Hill after bumping into 
msssonner on the streets on Chalk Farm whilst on a wander, and we were then 
joined by mrbapps for cake and ice cream that was to line our respective 
stomachs for the atheletics events that was to come soon after.

The theme tune was "the rollercoaster ride" during our tube journey on the 
metropolitan line, after which we arrived at the Betsey Trotwood Stadium, 
where we joined team Sinister for the Track and Field competitions.  The 
participants seemed to be talented in many disciplines, but I have decided 
to concentrate on the Shot putts from the bar.

In true me fashion, I have foolishly neglected to check the train times for 
the latest trains and thus hadn't realised that trains don't run at 3am, but 
thankfully there was more cake to eat and a bouncy carpet to sleep on until 
the next morning.

The next day was a maddening race between the Railtrack Express and the 
Daplyn Express to reach the utopia that is Ken's House, Milton Keynes.  
Luckily Railtrack Express won by a narrow margin despite a valiant effort 
from msldaplyn who probably jumped a few red lights.

After a brief tea and lunch and S club 7 watching we set off for the sunny 
shores of Brighton, which was made in an amazingly good time of only 2 
hours, thanks to more expert red light jumping skills, we then attempted to 
meet the very well spoken msaplayforth through the back alley, but she went 
down pre-maturely.

So we got down and dirty past "Tidy Street", and into a pub where we 
connected with msrplayforth and the sinister massive that is mrbapps, 
mscmcdermott, msrwright, mrpcarter, mrmhester, mrmcassarotto, mslalder, 
mrjdansonhatcher, and mrrbrennen inside a beer tent/garden thing.

After drinking, writing insult and reading a book about "Chuckie Shunter" 
(who appearent has a full load), we set off to an expedition to find booze 
and then the beach, where we had a fun time shivering at but were soon 
warmed by the arrival of msmmcneil, mrpfield and mssshackford.  We warmed 
ourselves further later at the arcades by performing some ritual dancing, 
and earned money from poking Chris Terrant in the eye, whilst mrbapps found 
himself a nice pork for the stuffing.

Later on, there was vehicular carnage as sinisters all drove into each other 
in a game of dodgems (which, I've been informed is known as "bumper cars" in 
america), and various other daring acts of bravery with heavy machinaries we 
set off for the pub, for drinks etc.

We also set up an away team who were to scout the land of Brighton for 
comestibles, there weren't many options, but we eventually found a cafe run 
by a rather timid, shy man, who had a menu full of gourmet meals with 
tantalizing names, one such "Bender Grill", underneath which was a warning 
that read "does not contain bone".

After the boning, we returned to the pub and stayed until closing time.  We 
then went back to the Playforth Playhouse - but not before recovering an 
unconscious sinister, and another casualty who crashed full force into a 
Volkswagen Polo's crumple-zone.  There were further injuries later on, but 
we were all amazed by Macy Gray's remarkable resilience that enabled her to 
carry on pulling the cunning stunts despite suffering from mulitple neck 
injuries.

We have proved during that evening that girls are better in snowboarding, as 
msaplayforth and msrwright came on top of the boys, and we liked that.  Much 
coming and going and ins and outs then went on on the magic sofabed that 
seems to be able to fit an unlimited amount of people, but then I supposed 
everyone were very well packaged.

Which was when I fell asleep.

mrmcassarotto decided that he prefers to be inside a narrow corridor, so 
that's what he did before we got rudely awaken the next day to the theme 
tune of the seagulls, singing "ahh ahhh ahh I wanna shit on you" very 
loudly.

Later on, we went into a cafe in Brighton, that is suspeciously called 
"Buddies", on the napkins there was a silhouette of two well physiqued men 
holding hands - very tasty - as was the meal.  Everyone got thoroughly 
meated except msaplayforth, who preferred the two veg.

It was nearly time to go home, but we wanted one last farewell to the 
Beautiful Brighton Beach, we waved goodbye to the Brighton Beach, the 
Brighton Beach said goodbye back with an even bigger wave, and embraced 
mrmcassarotto.  I was so overcome by the emotion I collapsed onto the floor, 
and was in danger of being suffocated.

We then went shopping, for dry clothes, and hats.  I was 4 numbers away from 
winning 20 million pounds in the lottery.  We bought/defaced CDs from a 
record shop, some kissing went on outside the CD store before photos were 
taken.. and we went drinking coffee/tea/red bull/lemonade and then departed.

We slowed headed for our respective destinations as msaplayforth waved 
goodbye to us from her tenement.

msldaplyn and mrbapps and i took the daplyn express back to the sunny shores 
of oxford-by-sea, as we had our sunday night plans all sussed out, the 
journey was accompanied by the wonderous sounds of Philip Glass - who made 
the car journey felt like a car journey, but a good one of those - plus a 
few other selections that we had purchased from the Brighton CD Store.

We went past many great road signs, including one that says "humps for 360 
yards", and a sign for a place called "stokenchurch", which has my full name 
in it - I'm sure the two signs are somehow related.  We sang along to songs 
that reminded us of the wonderful weekend, such as "Ease your feet in the 
sea" and "I don't love anyone".

We finally got to oxford, and after failing to invite two young 
impressionable college girls into our sex party we proceeded to have sex, 
although none of us felt anything, so later on we jerked up our senses with 
possibly THE WORLD'S BEST curry in oxford called (roughly) the Rajmahal, 
which was brilliant.  And we got some mushrooms for free.

I formulated the world's greatest plan after curry to take the bus home to 
Milton Keynes from Oxford, and then drive BACK to Oxford, then go dancing 
and then drive back for work the next day, unfortunately, by the time I got 
back home it was very late and there wasn't much time left for dancing had I 
driven back to Oxford.  Apologies to the Oxford massive, although I guess 
you may probably have had "sussed" that I wasn't gonna be able to make it.

My my, wasn't that long.  Speaking of which better go and attend to rachel 
py, she's getting horny.  Thanks to everyone I met - I had such a great time 
- especial thanks to the catering/hotelier services and transport providers, 
and also mrmcassarotto who selflessly sacrificed his dryness to cheer us up 
from our hangovers.

Too much stuff and Red Bulls
Ken


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