Sinister: Outside the chemist with a match and a ferret

[Steven M Rhodes]

Installment 3

Living in Queensland, our family naturally made a few trips up to the Big
Pineapple (Pineapples are one of Queensland's main agricultural resources so
there's like this huge fibre glass pineapple at this theme park.) When I was
younger. I really loved the big pineapple so Dad painted the words Golden
Circle on our corrugated iron water tank and told me it was the Big Tinned
Pineapple. It wasn't quite the same.

Speaking of mailboxes, have you seen these mailboxes where underneath the
mail slot, they have the word "MAIL" printed there? What is that for? Just
incase the MAILPERSON (don't you love political correctness?) reads it and
says "Oh damn it! I've just spent the whole day folding the letters up into
paper airplanes and trying to glide them into open windows. I should have
just been putting them in the little slot. Well there goes my whole day! Boy
the guys back at the depo are going to have a field day.  "

My friends and I were laying down looking up at the clouds and I said "Hey,
if you squint your eyes, that cloud kind of looks like bird shit coming
straight for us." And as it turned out, it was quite lucky that we did
squint our eyes.

I don't like public speaking very much. To try and overcome your fears they
tell you to imagine that the audience isn't wearing any clothes. But I was
wondering, what would make me more nervous. The act of public speaking or
hundreds of people staring at my erection? Because when it comes to naked
women I've got a very fertile imagination.
(...Ahh the warm embraces of tastelessness)

Our TV isn't working at the moment. The only channel that works is the
24-hour snow report. And according to the broadcast, it's going to be one
hell of a skiing season because it hasn't stopped snowing for the last week.
And the snow is so strong that they've lost audio transmission. All you can
here is static: Kssssshhhhhhh.
(Ohh, the hilarity. I'll give you a moment to recover from your unbridled
fits of laughter)

.........and that oughta do it.

I was watching TV and an commercial came on for one of those American lawyer
dramas. Just pick any one, they're all the same. And the voiceover went:
"A respected lawyer must decide whether to jeopardize her career or let a
homicidal killer walk free."
There's too much stress associated with those high profile jobs. I think
more television dramas should be set in convenience stores.
"Tonight Sharon Rogers must decide whether to take her lunch break now or in
15 minutes when her boss gets back from the shops."
"Next week in an award winning episode, Sharon must decide whether to sell
cigarettes to someone who may be below the legal age. This is must see
television! Don't miss it!"

Religion is supposed to be about happiness and well-being but have you ever
noticed how much cursing is based on religion?
Jesus Christ
God in Heaven
Holy shit
Heaven's above
Fucking hell
Christ almighty
For God's sake
For heaven's sake
God damn it

..Yeah.
It sure to a while to compile that list....kind of unrewarding.

Anyways, Good luck with that whole "life" thing.

 From Steven.




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