Sinister: Ken put me on the ground with Chu-do

[Rachel fruitloop]

Helloooooooo Sinister!
I was going through my mailbox that was bursting at the seams with
love notes and Sinister posts and guess what I found?  The rest of
JANUARY'S POSTS!!!!  So, I have picked out my favorite bits to chew
up and feed back to you like some doting mother bird!  Only the best
for you, babies!  'specially Rachel Grapenut and Jason The Cat's PJ's
(this one's dedicated to the 2 of you!)
I don't think I've mentioned it lately, but that hannah girl really
is such an intelligent and witty young thing!

On Friday night, I got a message on my mobile phone.  It had the
comedic stylings of my favorite Sinister dream team on it, and they
were *drunk* and giggling.  To protect their identity, we'll call one
B. Apps. No that's too obvious, Ben A.  And Ken C. was speaking in a
Scottish accent on his bit.  I laughed really hard... it was so
funny!  It got my weekend off to such a nice start!

*****WELCOME*****
Welcome to Aruni, and Baker, Baker and Stewie-Louie Ratatouille and
Lazy Line David, and Craig Rowson and Chris Mahoney and Steven Rhodes
and BusStopper Sara... I know there were more of you who have posted
for the first time in the last few weeks!!  Welcome to you lot, too!

Hello Elsa Chiao!

*****GIGS*****
So, I suppose Carsmile Steve and Cola Cube Cay had their gigs in
Oxford... I hope that it went well for both of you, and that someone
(hint hint) tells me more about it!

Grainne wrote about the Belfast gig: "I have photos of the gig which
will hopefully end up on the web sometime next week, if you're
interested."  I'm interested!  Me! Me! Did you put any pics up yet?

Hey... remember when they announced that B&S would go to Sweden and
Astrid posted all giddy and excited about it? Awwww, I want to hug
her and dance around with her!

*****SOME STUFF WE MADE UP*****
Michael Grant wrote: "i had the mental image of stuart murdoch
sitting on a branch ('Up A Tree', if you will!) with a dictaphone
trying to record the birds himself." 
When I read this, I pictured Crispin Glover up a tree in Back To The
Future, spying on Lea Thompson undressing.  'cept our Stu wouldn't do
anything as smarmy as that! He's too twee(t), recording birdy chirps
instead!!  I'm smiley!

Robin Stout wrote: "Belle and Sebastian could play Lego instruments
and wear Lego hair and Struan could smash up his Lego guitar then put
it back together again. They'd all ride onto the stage in a big Lego
car, playing I Love my mecCarno
I love my meccano
I love my lego my technic and my duplo
I could even find it in my heart to love K'Nex"
This one made me laugh out loud at my desk!!  SO CLEVER!  I want a
Belle & Seb Lego playset! And a Lego jet to take them to their Lego
tourbus and a Lego boat for Isobel!

And MailBen wrote:"Lego gives us well established boundaries 
to our imagination, but real dreamers use fuzzy felt (with scissors
if 
anarchy is your bag)!"
This one just reminds me of my favorite pick up line!! heh!

Mark C. rewrote the lyrics to "Creeque Alley" to fit Belle & Seb, and
it was sooooooooo fuckin' cute (that's right Mark, I'm swearing just
for you!)

Alan Whyte wrote a tale of Aunt Sadie's day out and worked in a whole
bunch of people's nicknames from Sinister!!!  So clever!  I got all
excited when I read "fruitloop"!  Yay!

And then, Mark C, Lord of SMUT wrote: "Hannah, use your polaroid to
take pictures of fucking. That's what they're for, you know."  
I think i am going to move to london and live with hannah, she seems
like so much fun!

Liz Daplyn wrote: "A tip for lads: when a girl discusses her hair
with you, she either likes the way you use your walk or thinks you’re
gay, or frequently both in my case, which is yet one more reason it’s
difficult to find boyfriends."
*ahem* I am guilty of discussing my hair with boys for both reasons
frequently, well, in the past, anyway.  Now it would just be for
reason number two.  

Matt Henderson wrote: "There hasn't been any talk about haircuts of
recent."
Not that I think you're all gay, but my hair is looking GOOD lately!
I'm sad to report, Ken, that I no longer have a "red bowl" haircut,
but a nifty purple and black bowl haircut (Laura Llew might be
pleased to know that the style is referred to as an "Isadora").  But
I am happy to report that I love my hair! See, for those of you who
may not know/don't care and have forgotten, I work at a professional
haircare product company and therefore am practically a professional
guinnea pig (dare I say it, the perfect profession for me!)

Sophia Katrina wrote: "I'm fundamentally a lazy perfectionist. Can
other lazy-no-more perfectionists share the solution to this
problem?"
My solution comes via procrastination and then "binge working" and
the results are usually good, plus you get to enjoy the "frenzy" of
it all! I like to work on projects throughout the night and revel in
the thoughts that just magically appear in my mind like "hannah
really does rule the school!"  but that could just be the sleep
deprivation talking!

Speaking of sleep, Robyn Fadden wrote: "anyone who has ever had a
proper duvet cannot go back to 'blankets' and 'comforters' or
'sleeping bags opened up in imitation of a blanket'. i implore you:
duvet today."
I agree.  They are the best thing since sliced bed!


****LOVE AND UNLIKE AND UNLIKELY LOVE*****
David Stankin' Cooter wrote: "I’ve been back home for a little over a
week, with loads of things to talk about for once, and found myself
quite lost for words, and for the first time with you lot worrying
that I’ll say too much."
I am *SO* happy that your trip was fun and that you shared your story
with us!  I felt that same overwhelming feeling after Ben Apps came
to stay.  It seemed like anything I would say about it would be too
much to too little and so it left me quite speechless!  I think
Kirsten Kenyon might have experienced it a bit herself after her
trip, although she claims that it isn't coyness, it's discretion. I
have no discretion, however, so I quite like it when I can read other
people's tales of travels and/or love.

LindseyLou wrote: "i realized that people are just people, and we
meet and pass. and if we are lucky, we catch the hands of a few
passers-by for a while, and hang on long enough to realize that we
don't need the hands to hold us up."
Woah, that is so true and so beautiful, I thought I'd just post it
again here for y'all to read!  I think... I meet certain people in my
life that I just *know* will be in it forever. Like my best friend
Vicky. Or my best friend Annie.  I didn't talk to Annie for 3 years
and then one day I went to see her at work and it was like we'd never
been apart. And Ben definitely fits into that category, too.  And
then there are the middle people that I know will be important in my
life but how long they sustain that role is questionable, for varying
reasons, such as coworkers or people I know through other friends. 
Or some boys.  Because things have a way of getting too screwed up
with all of that sexual attraction and behavior to surpass the bounds
of here and now. 

Kyla wrote a beautiful post about being mystified by her grandfather
or great uncle's (sorry I can't remember specifically!) stories and
way of life: "how do you say please tell me every story you have
about being a cowboy cinematographer."
Ohhhh, that was such a lovely post!! It reminded me of talking to my
Great Grandmother Leona about thngs she used to do in the '20's (cos
I'm obsessed by "Flappers" you know!) and I wish that I had been a
bit older before she died (I was 13 or 14) so I could have really
asked all of the questions that I have about that era now.  I think
it is so wonderful that you appreciate the stories that your cowboy
cinematographer has to share with you, and the story of hearing his
stories made a grate post!

Robyn Fadden wrote: "it's a sad love, kyla's. like when you fall in
love with a character in a book. and you dream about them and
generally walk around in a daze for a while until you realize the
futility of it all. but for some awful reason you still want to read
the book again and again." 
The first book I remember reading and feeling that way about was when
I was about 8 or so... the book was 'The Great Brain'.  Anyone
remember that one?


Baker, Baker wrote: "i'm really happiest when i'm alone with your
love letters, you see -- i love the torn spiral edge of the paper and
your handwriting on the blue and pink lines.  i love how the letters
smell as they get old in my drawer.  i think, too, that i would love
being alone with your body and your voice...  the torn edges of
your syllables, the blue and pink veins running beneath the skin
of your arms and your neck.  it's when i'm actually around you
-- around any people at all -- and you or those people are not
allowing me to be alone...  i'm too hungry for your like and
your love."
This post was another one that *killed* me!  It's too beautiful!  How
perfectly that describes being in love WITH LOVE more than being in
love.  I think that love is a weird thing.  I honestly believe that
people don't find love until they are in a place in their life that
allows room for it.  You kitties know how messed up I've been and how
I've struggled on the medication, etc. but somewhere along the line I
got better and stopped seeing every failed attempt in love as being
due to the fact that I'm fat or ugly or weird.  As soon as I felt
better about myself then I didn't crave love as much and I guess I
must seem more loveable now.  I even got a Valentine in the mail from
a very special Sinister girl! (You know who you are!  Kisses to you! 
And watch your mailbox!)

Amy Rachel Applejacks Longcore wrote: "Anywhere you go, even yr own
bedroom, you've got a lot to live up to. Take all the good and wrap
it up and hold it,just keep the bad past arm length. That's my
cryptic way of telling some of you to keep a chin up."
I second that emotion!  It's sooooo amazing how positive thinking
will improve things (this coming from the most pessimistic person I
know--myself!) 

I hope things are going better for you now, Marianna!

Matt Henderson wrote: "I have nothing to think about, nothing to
fight for, nothing cry about, nothing to pine for.  I just feel
empty.
This must be the worst kind of depression.  Not even music can pull 
me out of this."
yuck. This is familiar to me, Matt.  I didn't listen to music for a
good 8 months. I felt flat and empty, too. I was afraid that if I
listened to music in the state that I was in, it would just drive
that thrill I used to feel whilst listening further and further down
until I would never be able to even REMEMBER what it felt like to
shiver when I heard a certain part of a particular song.  That sort
of depression is the worst because even hate is a form of passion but
when you just don't care there is nothing.  I guess this happens to
people sometimes because of a gap.  I see life as being a series of
scenes in a movie and maybe the union rules say that your crew has to
take a break now, or something along those lines... I hope things
pick up for you soon, though.

Will Salt wrote: "If I get drunk and start referring to myself as a
girl, that's because that's what's written in my brain somewhere. 
Don't take photographs, because I don't look like this on the
inside."
That got me thinking about what it would be like to feel like a
boy... and how hard it would be to feel alright if your outside
appearance didn't match who you are inside.  It made me love Will's
post even more because, sheesh, I freak out if I have a spot or a bad
hair day and people try to take my picture but what if every day was
a bad gender day?  That's got to be tough!

*****WAKING UP TO US*****
Sara BusStopper wrote: "reading the posts is like looking at
someone's eyes."  I would have to agree, on most levels.  Because a
lot of posts include words that may remain unspoken, but if you were
to look in a person's eyes, you sometimes could see what they feel...


Danny the cutiepie Farrell wrote: "everyone should go,everyone on 
the whole planet.well planet sinister anyway.sometimes i wished i
lived 
on planet sinister,but then i remember.i don't."
I think that I live on planet Sinister most of the time... well, "am
I playing in your movie?  you're in my magazine..."


Kieran wrote: "Sinister is becoming a kind of tawdry autobiography
for me at the moment." and he wrote a story about working at a
newspaper and taking a call about a story that he never wrote up or
tried to get in the paper.  I liked the story.  It revealed something
about Kieran that I can really identify with regarding my job. At the
end of the day, it's just shampoo bottles, you know. This was a
brilliant post, though. But then, I always love Kieran's posts. 

Dimitra wrote 4 giant diary posts about her travels that were
amazing!  Here's one of my favorite bits: "part of what Sinister is
to me is taking a train to a city, meeting someone you haven't met
before and spending the day with them -almost all the days end in
pubs somehow! And I am each time a little surprised of how I can have
a good time with all those different people, who I haven't even met
before. And how it is really more than just having a good time, how
each of these days has something great in it. And what is the glue
that binds us. Whatever makes us so gosh-darned compatible, as Stacey
said once."
I have noticed this as well, although I have only met a handful of
you!  BUT... I will be in London with Mr. Ben Apps around March 14th
- 23 so I expect you kitties to meet up with me!!!

The Feather Boa wrote: "i met a lot of people in the summer, so it's
kind of weird, because sinister changes when you *actually* know
people who are on it, instead of just knowing them via email, it is
really weird, knowing people off sinister...."
Hmmm, I can see what you mean FB. But I guess my experience is a bit
different because I met people off of Sinister pretty much right when
I joined. And the people who have met me can tell you that I am a
fairly good likeness of myself in my posts: what you read is what you
get!

Zoe wrote: "Dimitra's post made me think of how being in Sinister
it's all about who you know, like in real life. It is real life I
suppose.
I think I will regret writing all this but hey, you won't notice will

you?"  and she also said that she had started to write about the
elitist nature of Sinister... Zoe also said "i was really sad and i
didn't want to hurt anybody ..just ignore it..."
I can't ignore this Zoe, it really made me sad when I read it.  I
think because I don't know what it's like to be far away from
everyone, I can't really say I understand. There are a lot of
Sinister people in L.A., but I don't meet up with them all that
often, although we could (like walking to Sara's house for some
"exercise!" hee!) I like seeing everyone in person.  But there is
something about reading what everyone writes that I LOVE more than
meeting up.  I like the romanticism of the written word. I read every
single post, you know. I feel a real connection with all of you. 

I understand that so many of us are living paycheck to paycheck or
are too young to travel. But I have to say that making a sacrifice to
follow Suede across America *twice* between the ages of 19-22 was the
best thing I have ever done and probably will ever do. I met a lot of
my pen pals on those trips and saw SO many things, including the
humanity behind this band that I worshipped so intensely, and it
changed everything. I used to hear all the time "you're so lucky" and
I'll tell you, it had nothing to do with luck. I wanted the adventure
and it was scary and difficult and risky as hell, but I was so
focused and driven to get out there and live the dream that I wasn't
going to let anything stop me. So, my point is, if you want to
travel, try to make a plan. Sacrifice.  Do it. If this town's your
sinking ship, then you know where to jump. A public service
announcement brought to you by Rachel fruitloop and B&S!

Miss Maple wrote about her pot-head knomes and said this: "anyways, i
figure no one reads my emails cus u know...well if i was u i'd delete
them."
The knome thing made me laugh soooo hard!  I want some knomes for my
front yard!! I think your post was grate and I'm glad I read it!
Then Jeff Arrived and wrote: "I also often think that no one reads my
emails. but i know for a fact that at least one person on this list
reads them (and she rocks the hiz-house). and that's good enough for
me." 
YEAH!  I don't know who you meant, Jeffy, but if you post it, I'll
read it, too!!  I'm not fibbing when I say I read every single one!

Melmoz wrote: "Just want to announce that there will be a Sinister
Round-Up in Texas coming up very soon!!!!!"  YAY!!!  And Belle &
Sebastian are playing in AUSTIN!!!!!  Austin is such a *grate*
town!!!

We're having a LOS ANGELES MEETUP on Saturday February 23rd!!  E-mail
me for more info!

*****RACHELISMS*****
Ken Chu wrote: ""BEN APPS ARE YOU SURE YOU BE AWAKE AT 8AM TOMORROW
FOR 
BREAKFAST?" and receiving an affirmative reply, therefore after
seeing Mr Tweedle (pronounced Twed-dle) off to work I phoned up Apps
Ben (Mr. 
B) a few times and to my surprise there was no replies." 
HAHAHAHAH!  I have converted Ben over to my ways of sleeping in! And
Although I am a LAZY HORRIBLE girlfriend, just for the record, Ben
will receive his Valentine presents in about 4 days! Oh, the public
humiliation!

Cola Cube Cay wrote: "After Mr. "I'm a supervisor at work now and
therefore older and wiser (no honest) than you two wee scallywags and
so I'm not going to sit around and get drunk but go home and read a
training manual instead" Apps returned to his little palace
known as "The Bappsy Trotwood" (Thank you Ken Chu!)me and Hatchback 
sat around drinking yummy Tia Maria, listening to John Peel and
forming out own little theory about life and Sinister."
I have a secret: Ben didn't go home and read his training manual, he
went home and talked to me on the phone for several hours instead! 
And that Ken Chu sure is clever!!  I am anxious to hear your theory
on life and Sinister, Ms. Cola Cube and Mr. Dancin' Hatchback!

Stine signed a post like this: "rachel ~stine **im not really a
rachel of course, but i sometimes feel as though i am the only
non-rachel on the list :o) ta"  
Awwww, Stine!  You can be an honourary Rachel, too!  Perhaps Stine
"Rachel Doughnut" or "Rachel Sausage" would be a good name for ya!

Stewie Louie wrote: "I guess I should have expected this as the one
thing we all have in common is a band with not one but two Stuarts
(though I don't think they spell it right).  Does this ever 
happen to people called Rachel?"
Yeah, I always think people are talking about me, though.  I'm so
vain, I'll bet I think this post is about me! I almost thought that
Max loved me when he posted "I love you Rachel", and even though he
meant Grapenut, I still got a little thrill from seeing it in
writing! That's why the breakfast nicknames are helpful. I figure,
the more honourary and real Rachels, the better!  You know, I never
really knew many other Rachels before... it's funny that there are so
many of us on Sinister! And Stewie, I'll bet you have "arms of sex"
just like Mr. Murdoch does!

Well, I think I have dug up enough stuff from the Sinister past for
now. Sorry for talking about mesself so much!!  I hope you all have/
had a good VD and remember that I, for one, love you all! (extra hugs
and kisses for Benny Apps!)

love,
Rachel (the fruity looper)


*****FAVORITE QUOTES*****

"Ahoy there landlubbers"--Carsmile Steve

"My heroine doesn't need a 21st century prince, she only needs her
guitar. And her record player."--Idleberry

"sometimes it's just as difficult being in love as falling in it in
the first place."--Archel Toast

"sometimes i wish i could stop caring but i'm too caring to
stop."--Danny Farrell

"i don't mind fear... what i cannot forgive is
cowardness..."--Velocity Girl

"don't forget the victory dance"--Paisley Tie

"I heart symbol Gneissy."--Dirty Vicar

"I don't, like, think: everything is about me.  I don't.  but that I
DO kinda think: why ISN'T IT?  y'know."--Richard Gillanders

"Enough of this tomfoolery, i think i'm going to puke"--Teeny Tiny
Hannah Brown




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