Sinister: soap just about sums it up (and infinite monkey theories)

[Tom Pettinger]

Aaaghh! Fire!

Is what we were not screaming when the fire alarm went off and Offbeat had
to be evacuated for a wee while last night. And it was suspiciously soon
after "Panic" had been on, ahem...
"Burn down the disco,
hang the blessed DJ..."

Yup, after the first part seemed to come true Chris and Gill (the DJs) were
looking suitably worried...
Anyway, to unruffle the rankled, extra sweets were given out. There were not
so many left, though, because I saw the friendly doorman cunningly sneak a
few from the box.

They were cherry lips, by the way. But Haribo ones (or Jaribo, as they say
in Norway)*, not the ones famously known as "soap lips" etc, funnily enough
due to the fact that they absolutely taste of nothing but soap. I mean, it's
not like some people taste them and think, "No, I don't know where you're
getting soap from, I think it's cherry" or "Not soap, maybe parma
violets..." Everyone without fail says, "Eugh, soap!".
Or in my case, "Mmm, soap. Imperial Leather? Pear? Lanolin-free?"

Saw two people looking sinister, one of whom made me extremely jealous with
their B&S concert and B&S meeting stories. (Hey, you know who you are!) The
other I presume has finished exams, hope they went well! I had an exam
yesterday too, I really don't know how it went but I decided that I would go
to offbeat and forget about it. After all, there is so little difference
between celebrating ones success and drowning ones sorrows...

Oh, I got the next nine highly collectable "A-Z of Indie" stickers to put in
my priceless album. Soon it will be ready to take pride of place above the
rows and rows of leather-bound lexicons surrounding my living space. It will
be worth more than a solid platinum record on sarah, mark my words.

Welcome Peter Madden, whose tickets for Brixton Academy arrived this
morning. (!!!)
Do remember though, Peter, that when utilising the copy and paste facility
on your computer, if there is a mistake in the original sentence it will
appear in every extra copy ;-)

That's all. Now  think I shall go and have a little of that vintage carbolic
I've been saving.

Soapily yours (and don't read anything into that, be-smutters of the list
;-))
Tom

P.S. Did you know that newspaper cleans windows really well? It does you
know.

P.S.S.*this isn't true. Well, it could be, what I mean is I made it up and
it is unlikely to be true. But at the moment there are an extra two parallel
universes, one in which is true and the in which it is not, opening up a big
ol' Schrodingers** cat type mess. I don't think you spell Schrodinger like
that, actually. Well, you might, what I mean is I don't know...

P.S.S. Someone once explained that theory to me, and only when I understood
it did she finally tell me that Schrodinger promptly went and proved his own
theory wrong. But she started to explain it like this..."Think of this: if
you had twenty monkeys on an unbreakable piano with an infinite amount of
time, surely at some point they would play Beethoven's 5th?"
I don't think so. Intelligent as they are, monkeys always feel compelled to
use tools.


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