Sinister: la la love you

[bus stoppers]

wasn't it just lovely weather today?

sigh.

i am just happy right now.  ever since that stupid boy broke my
heart for the last time right before this past new year's eve,
my new year has been wonderful.  for once in so many years my
life seems to be on track and i like it.  before being content
with all of the miserableness that was and was not self
inflicted was okay.  that was what content was.  nope.  this is
content.

and though i might not feel this happy all the time, knowing
that it's possible to is now enough to keep me trucking through
the bad days.  sheesh.  even know, it's weird to hear me type
like this.

strange.
things keep moving and going forward.
i guess that's what life is all about.
hmm.

first things first.  i would like to publically thank my
valentine for the treasures he has bestowed upon me.  he must
now revel in the glow that he has made a simple girl on the west
coast very happy.

+++

i have a real date on friday.

this will be the second 'official' date of my 21 years of life. 
and i'm actually excited about it.  which is weird because on my
first date ever in my first 20 years of life, the poor guy.  (we
ended up being good friends and roomies later.  anyway.)  i
couldn't even eat when he took me to dinner because i was so
nervous.  and then we missed the movie because i was late
because i got lost.  it was a mess.

and remember the second boy from my other post?  well, he was
supposed to take me on my second date, but the whole time before
he stood me up, i was trying to think of ways to get out of it. 
this time, i am looking forward to my date.

let's call him J.  he's 27.  i've never dated a guy that much
older before.  and he's a college english professor too.  he
teaches english at a vocational school and a community college
while working towards his masters in english.  but in grad
school he was a film minor, i believe, at ucla.  undergrad at
ucsb.  i don't know how i ended up with such a smart boy.  and
he's funny and adorable too.  anyway, it's just really weird.

it's weird because usually i would be either having a panic
attack or falling in love right away.  the only conclusion i can
think of at this moment is that now that i have stopped
searching for 'the one' i can relax a bit and have some fun with
nice boys without being a dramatic drama queen with the constant
bleeding heart.  but then again.  who knows where the next week
will take me.  i'm basically trying to keep the mentality that
J. is a nice boy (well, i guess he can't be a boy being 6 years
older...) and i hope that we can spend time together and share
fun times and warm memories.

though most of you (who wouldn't be reading this paragraph
anyway) probably either delete my posts or just read the first
half and get bored...i'll keep you all posted! :)

+++

i loved lindseylou's post about valentine's day.  well, i always
love her posts, but this one especially.  i admit that i have
read it a few times over and over.  i'm sending you a *hug* for
a just because.

+++

kirsten kenyon posted:

> i find my hand jamming a cigarette between my lips instead.
> good 
> move, i think. 
>   the cigarettes.  after buying gumdrops at walgreens, i had a
> cup of 
> coffee.  i realized that the gumdrops just weren't cutting it.
>  being 
> too lazy to trudge three blocks back to walgreen's in the
> rain, i 
> forked over $6.50 for gauloises at some snooty smokeshop with
> shiny 
> floors and leather sofas.  
>   taking into account my current financial state, i should not
> be 
> spending $6.50 on cigarettes.  

and my lovey matthew posted:

> I've looked everywhere.  It is now official.  This entire city
> has run out 
> of my cigarettes.  I'm a bit upset about that.  I just don't
> know what to 
> do.

i need a cigarette right now actually.  i would just like to
bitch once about the price of cigarettes.  i mean, give an
addict a break!  kirsten, i usually try to not think about my
financial situation before or during the purchase.  i find that
it helps to contemplate the money spent while enjoying the first
drag off the first cigarette AFTER the purchase.  does anyone
else who smokes suffer from the "i really should quit"
thoughts...until you smoke another cigarette and you can't
imagine life without the nicotine.  it really is a disgusting
habit and i don't know if i'm doing a good job trying to
romanticise it.  err, if i'm doing any job at all.  actually, i
think i'm discouraging future smokers to not smoke...

well, i must go fold laundry now before getting ready for the
job.  i'm sorry that i didn't make too much sense.  i'm not used
to being awake this early.  i promise the next one will make a
bigger effort at it's articulate-ness.

my lazy ass is off to work,
sara


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