Sinister: even monkeys can't help me now

[fiona]

sinister,

i've just seen my exam marks. i knew they were bad before i looked at 
the noticeboard, but seeing them in black and white just hit home. 
even the courses i didn't do too badly on were worse then i'd hoped.

if only i'd had the guts to change courses in the first year, instead 
of thinking i could stick it out and everything would be fine. well 
now i've wasted nearly three years and will have very little to show 
for it.

the worst part is that at university no-one cares. there's no-one i 
can run to who'll understand and try to help me to do better in the 
summer. i just ran out of my last class on the verge of tears and 
nobody even batted an eyelid.

and i'm going to have to tell my mum. its not that she'll be angry 
with me, she'll just be disappointed, even more disappointed than i 
am probably. i always joke with her that i'm the reject child now 
because my little brother started doing maths at cambridge this year, 
but i know that's what she thinks. all the way through school i was 
brighter than him, but now i'm just not interested, i've had enough 
of formal study but i've come too far to turn back now.

jesus, i don't even like university. i don't have any friends among 
the students, everyone i hang out with i've met outside. i just can't 
imagine what possessed me.

i'm really sorry sinistereenies, its forever since i used the list as 
a place to spill my problems, but i don't feel like i've got anywhere 
to turn right now.


love and lollipops,

fiona.
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