Sinister: ~ dirtily dreamed post number two

[skirted pais]

intellectual and perspiring and
pseudosexual and conspiring...:

I'm pretty sure I don't have anything to say worth saying to so many of YOU. 
And I don't even write to the one I used to know, anymore (although, lurker, 
if you're coming to the Austin concert and want to see me, say the word).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
~ is it someone that you'd maybe recognise?

I know there'll be the Texas Sinister round-up!
But maybe an Austin pre-show meet-up? E-mail me if you want in.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

~ i'm lucky i can open the door and i can walk down the street

AN YET. My posts end up about the things I try not to talk about usually. 
It's hard to talk sometimes, with all the words I need to avoid, my mouth 
ends up with nowhere else to go. But I did say I'd post if Ally posted. And 
then the wooly wharfing bunny bastard actually went on and DID it. Crikey. 
Abandon all hope or whatever.

~ unlucky i've got nowhere to go and so i follow my own feet

Some people are brave. They know. I know. Emotional pain makes me cringe. 
Physical pain is okay to talk about. Psychic nausea, that apt description 
from some other sinister post, dizzies every mind. I was throwing up by the 
side of the street on my way home. Not cos I was drunk. I was just ill and 
my apartment was blocks away. It was a long walk (I frew up twice on the 
way). I had a revelation thinking about that post. That everything was 
making me sick the same way that my soul gets sick.

~ a choice is facing you a healthy dose of pain
a choice is facing you as you stare though the rain

It's when all the colours and musical words in the world just don't matter 
anymore, cos just the light and sound causes an unbearable need to VOMIT. 
The sole comfort is that it won't last forever. But the time is does last is 
going to be LONG. The most amazing thing about pain, I think, is the 
immediacy. For a time, feeling tormented to be kept alive in the world, 
feeling far too much, and then when it's over...how frighteningly easy it is 
to forget that time.

~ a choice is facing you but i choose to refrain for today
tomorrow we'll be back in trouble again

Sometimes I use physical pain to soothe emotional pain. My social worker has 
suggested that I should perhaps consider getting in touch with my feelings 
instead of using self-destructive behaviour. That made me smile. She said I 
have a Cheshire Cat grin.

~ dream one: you had a whole lot of fun with a comedian
stop short of going all the way, you'll have to make it someday

I meant it though. She takes care of me like no-one else ever did. I can't 
articulate it all. But I despair sometimes that anyone else ever will. 
Yeah...well, yeah.

~ why is this happening to you, you're not a child?
why is this happening? you've too much on your mind

On my 21st birthday, I did NOT get sick as expected. Everyone in the 
downtown bars and clubs loves you when you are young and drunk on your 
birthday from all the free drinks. Except a couple places. Reason demanded 
that some places took exception to my group. I was rude to one of them. Cos 
the bouncer merely said that there was a dress code and that my friend, with 
his nice shoes and tucked in dress shirt, did not conform to it.

~ things creep up on you when you are fast asleep
you are dreaming, you are sleepy, you are stuck to the sheets

But he would not specify which aspect needed conforming. It was darkly 
suspected that the shiny purple vinyl pants were not conforming to the "NO 
FAGS" code, but we carried on from there to a gay boy dance club where the 
pants were quite welcome. We danced even better than we had DDR'd that 
afternoon.

~ dream two you couldn't see her face, but you saw everything else
dream two was pretty special, easily beats loving yourself

In the toilets, I clung to the waist of the redhaired friend who had made me 
surprise birthday dinner of spaghetti and salad and a beautiful pink 
birthday cake with sprinkles and candles. A lovely 7 foot queen with fuschia 
braids said we must be twins or lovers to move together the way we did. My 
straight friend managed to find a straight boy for herself on the dance 
floor.

~ could you put a name to someone else's sigh?
ally, amy applejacks, dannypie, gneissy, honey, kirsten, llew, maddie, 
mandee...
~ could you put a face to someone else's eyes?
oranges, rich, rouss, sammich, stankin, sweetie, vel, zozipea AND SUCHLIKE.

~ but it all fades into morning when you open your eyes

Nah, I remember everything.

{understated yet charming multiple pelvic thrusts
...and something I dragged in just for the kitten-cat}

paisley

pssst! if sunnyset posts again, then i will also.
yeah, that's a THREAT.



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