Sinister: Show us yer spuds!

[robin stout]

Hello

I bet you're all dying to know about my potatoes, aren't you? Well, they've 
now spent a whole week sitting in a egg tray with their bottoms in the air 
in the hope that they'll sprout tails. So far the biggest one, which I've 
called Boris, has a stumpy little tail about 3mm long and the runt of the 
litter, Horace, only has a tiny 1mm one. Oh well, Horace, size doesn't 
matter. Honest, loads of people have told me that.

I squeeze my spuds every morning to make sure they're okay. Once all their 
tails are an inch long I'm going to plant them in the back garden, which I 
began to dig at the weekend. I haven't dug up the family pet that seems to 
be buried in the back garden, as I left an alsatian-sized space around the 
little wooden cross to be sure. Judging by the size of the cross though, I'd 
say that although it's definitely bigger than a hampster, and it can't be a 
goldfish (because, as we all know, goldfish heaven lies just around the 
U-bend) it's more likely to be a moggy or a terrier than an alsatian. But I 
thought I'd better be safe.

On the way back from the cinema last weekend, still feeling a little 
bewildered after seeing a crazy Japanese film about racoons with giant 
shapeshifting bollocks, we met three Spanish girls pushing a shopping 
trolley full of tupperware. They told us they were flying back to Spain the 
next day and were giving away all their stuff. Their stuff seemed to consist 
largely of tupperware, but we were lucky enough to go away with a radio. It 
was blue and quite cute.

I was listening to that radio on Friday and they were talking about how 
Nokia has produced a range of ringtones in conjunction with the RSPB which 
sound like birdsong. My favourite one was the Common Gull. They phoned up 
the man from Nokia who'd composed them. He was Finnish, but spoke English 
very well, and was talking about how he'd composed them when his own mobile* 
went off;
"What tune have you got on yours?" asked Simon "Chips 'n'" Mayo.
"Well," said the man, "I get so fed up of hearing all these stupid little 
tunes all day that I decided last year to choose one tune and stick with it. 
I decided to choose something that I really like. So I chose the theme tune 
to Bergerac**."
"Bergerac!?"
"Mmm, yes Bergerac. You know, John Nettles. Very exciting!"

No content at all, to be honest. You might as well have gone and made a cup 
of tea.

Robin x

* American: a cellphone
** American: a tv show sort of like Magnum

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