Sinister: Starshine

[JENOWL22 at xxx.com]

Hewwo,

My spyder. Is here in my room and being all spyder like. I got her, and my 
mum let me and didn't pull out or anything. Her name is Bessie, she's a girl 
( not 100% sure, but her abdomen's pretty big so its pretty likely) she's a 
Curly Hair tarantula and she's only a quarter grown so she's just little. One 
day though she'll grow up all big and strong. 

She's so tiny, sometimes she'll be playing and she'll cling round my 
fingertip with her little legs, and even the crickets she eats are so tiny, 
and a bit mingy. They sometimes make noise during the night, and they make my 
skin crawl to look at. She's so fast too, I fed her a cricket and she just 
looked at it wandering along and then suddenly out of nowhere she jumped on 
it and played with it because she's a clever little sweetheart then she 
killed it and wrapped it up in silk for later. I wish she would eat skittles 
instead, but if I feed her those she might die and I don't really want that.

She spends a lot of time hiding under a little log that I got for her to make 
a hideyhole from. I think it's cause she's too small for the tank still, 
cause the tank's for a fully grown tarantula and not a little babby like her. 
She's never bit me yet either, not that it wouldn't be swell to go into 
school with tarantula bites just like if I was an explorer in the jungle. But 
I'm glad she hasn't bit me, because I want for us to be friends. Me and 
Bessie and Bessie and me. And bubbles the fish too, so he won't get jealous. 
We can be Jen's family, and have adventures once bubbles gets round to 
building his robot fish suit.

We had snow at the weekend. Oh, and I got into university to be a dentist. 
Well, it's a conditional, because I have to get four A's and  a B first, but 
it's still pretty swell. Even though I'm not a big genius type so I'll have 
to work till I'm nearly dead, but it'll be very much worth it if I can manage 
it.

We had the fertility awareness people come to our school, which happens to be 
catholic. They told us that if you have sex before you're about 20 then 
you'll get cancer, if you go on the pill you'll get cancer for definate, and 
if that doesn't get you then you'll get blood clots from nowhere, condoms are 
40% effective, even if you use the pill and condoms you will still get 
pregnant, everyone who has sex before marriages has at least 1 STD and is on 
drugs, if you have sex before you're married then you are dirty and your 
friends and family and god will hate you, the rhythm method is foolproof, 
AIDS can eat through condoms. And she also told us there was no point because 
under 20's are too irresponsible to pop a pill every day or put on a condom, 
so of course you should use the rhythm method as it is much easier to chart 
out your mentrual cycle. And this priest gave us a mass about how you should 
never masturbate because its evil and god will get you and you shouldn't have 
sex with animals and that god made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve so gays 
are evil. Pig.

So I informed the lady who came to talk to us that she was mental, and she 
was just ever so slightly talking blah and she said what do you mean I've 
used the rhythm method all my life, and I said how many kids do you have and 
she said 5 and I said I rest my case the only reason the church approves the 
rhythm method is because it doesnt work and I said that no wonder there were 
so many teen pregnancies most of them were probably catholic girls who'd been 
to one of her talks, and that the whole thing especially what the priest said 
was mokeish and she defended the priest and I said that the priest was 
probably either bitter because he wasn't getting any, or feeling guilty 
because he'd just had a fly one and no wonder so many priest turned out to be 
child abusers and she said if I said one more word she'd throw me out and I 
said if she said one more word of her mental rubbish i'd leave and then she 
beed quiet so I won yay.

No offense to any catholics on sinister, but my school is just a bit mental. 
One of the hard kids who never got expelled for nearly killing me when I had 
to get operations and all that internal bleeding got expelled later on for 
skipping mass or something. One time I got spat on for having on the catholic 
school uniform when I was 12 and it was scary, being as I'm not even one of 
them. I think my parents weren't very happy being as both are, and my mum 
used to be a nun and everything.

 I just hate my school, you walk in and this wave of despair hits you, and 
even though you can't see it you know there's at least ten kids getting beat 
up for their lunch money and some 11 year olds smoking in the loos and some 
girl sitting on the toilets crying because the RE was screaming about how 
gays were going to hell, and she fancies a girl in the year above her, or you 
can see all the crucifixes glaring at you, a dead jesus in every room nailed 
to a bit of wood, which isn't the world's most fluffy thing to look at. Which 
is why I have to escape, because the big rebellion I've got going on in my 
head is getting tired and I'm not going to change anything so I should run as 
fast and as far as I can before all the hate and fear and ganging up on 
people and hardness and coldness and mentalness grabs me and pulls me down 
and I spend the rest of my life feeling guilty and bitter and dirty the way I 
did after that sex talk thing. It's like this big prison, and all I have to 
do is get the grades I need and I can maybe dig a tunnel under the floor and 
go out and away and forget any of it ever happened and pretend that the hard 
kids never existed, and the teachers were actually really really nice and 
friendly, and no one got brainwashed or hurt or damaged and no one ever 
feared god.

I woke up this morning and I felt like i'd been all over america ever though 
I hadn't. I hope B&S play new york, not because it's anywhere near me, but 
just because I think it would be nice for them.

Ah, I'm being all depressing. Last week was long and many many things of 
badness happened. One of them NOT being my spider though. She's swell.

Hugs,
Jen (or Jenny which people have taken to making my name. Not Jaz though, she 
calls me captain.)
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