Sinister: I should be sincerely sorry to see my neighbor's children devoured by wolves

[Laura Llew]

"Oh, I remember this song. My favorite part is coming up... the end!" 
--comment from my "friend" when I put in Belle & Sebastian's, Stars Of Track 
& Field on our roadtrip.

A few years ago, at the desperate request of their parents, I went on a (oh 
so very long) roadtrip with someone who was severely mentally ill. I spent 
the entire trip having to wrestle my stolen car keys from them, keep them 
from jumping out of the speeding car on a busy interstate, and talking for 
hours persuading them to get back in the car in Montreal, again in 
Pennsylvania, and then in Upstate New York as they resolutely sat hugging 
their knees refusing to budge. AT LEAST, they liked listening to Belle and 
Sebastian though!

Solo roadtrips are the way to go, my friends.

Before I go any further, I would like to send out my public thanks to Miss 
Jenny Payne who organized the Sinister Valentine's Day exchange AND gave me 
yet another beautiful mix to which I listened to while driving down to 
Charlotte to pick a friend up from the airport (the exact same circumstances 
which I listened to the first mix she gave me. Tradition! Now, if only I 
were a rich man...) For the first time ever I had my very own boy for 
Valentines! ****AND**** (if I read Sinister posts correctly) he has a 
girlfriend! This makes me more of a brazen hussy than everything else 
combined -I'm excited! Of course, poor VD boy he said that the USPS 
standards were good enough for him so as long as I didn't send along bodily 
fluids it was OK. Well, there went my ideas! Oh, I suppose I should thank my 
Valentine, Mr. Michael Vance too - for the chocolate and CD. Also enclosed 
was a recipe for a chocolate covered boy though sadly boy wasn't included.

Michelle Ruiz mused:
>I also want to get a pet of some kind (not a dog or a cat..yet) since I was 
>a deprived child and never had one. Maybe a >turtle or an iguana
I thought the same thing so for my 23rd birthday I asked for a pet turtle 
since I love them so. However, turtles are illegal to sell in North Carolina 
as they carry salmonella or some such (does this mean that they make 
mayonnaise from turtles?) but after much searching we were able to find a 
BLACK MARKET turtle dealer. I was so excited. I even bought a Turtle Owner 
Handbook where I read that the each time you take the turtle from one 
environment (like it's little turtleworld aquarium) to another (like the 
carpet of my bedroom floor) that you shorten it's life span. I really 
couldn't justify making a poor turtle's life shorter just so i could play 
with him so I opted not to have a turtle. Thus, I'm now 24 and have never 
had a pet though I'm very seriously contemplating getting a Bookstore Dog. I 
would need something on the smallish side (though not tiny - just nothing 
huge) that doesn't shed much or bark obnoxiously. Plus, it should look sad 
and brooding so I can call it my Proust Pooch. Any ideas?

Love & Lime Jello,
Laura


VOCABULARY WORDS:
Brazen Hussy 		Proust Pooch		Salmonella
Desperate Request	Chocolate Covered Boy	VD

STUDY QUESTIONS:
1. Why do you always hear the words "brazen" and "hussy" together - never 
separately or mated with another word?  Have you ever heard just 'brazen' 
used when not followed by hussy? The only examples I could find of "brazen" 
used by itself were by a mass of dead guys - Shakespeare, Joyce, etc.- who 
might have been benefited if their brazens had a little hussy action 
involved. Why do you think this is so? Should we change our use of tired 
cliches before they become too mottled and rusted? Do you think this is an 
appropriate place to start?  How does Gilded Hussy sound to you? (Note: That 
is not, "How does a Gilded Hussy sound to you?" This is not an offer.)
2. Are you, like me, for anything that's followed by a hussy? (woo!) 
Evidently, hussy is a corruption of "housewife" (in more way that one, eh?)
3. A new product I just got in the shop is a kit for putting on a 
Shakespeare play (Taming of the Shrew) in 45 minutes with cards for each 
character. For example, there's one for Gremio which reads, "You are old and 
rich. No woman under the age of seventy is even going to consider marrying 
you. But don't let that stop you. Money can solve almost any problem. 
Possible celebrity role models: Mr. Magoo, jimmy Stewart, or Ronald Regan." 
The one for the Lusty Widow reads, "You have only three lines at the very 
end of the play, but you can use them to show that you are a fiery woman, a 
handful for any man, and probably too much for Hortensio to handle. Shake 
your mane of flaxen hair (there's a wig included in the kit!) and unloose 
your inner vixen."  How would a card for each of the following go - a brazen 
hussy, a chocolate covered boy, and a proust pooch?

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