Sinister: i feel heavenly when she says i am heavenly but she is more heavenly

[Danny Farrell]

hello lovelies,

it's been a wee while,i guess. so much has happened, so.

I was indeed part of the lovely dundee group just before christmas 
consisting of mr william gneissy,zozefina and of course the adorable if 
slightly bossy rachel.the last dundee picnic,which was wonderful, consisted 
of only four people so was this another unofficial picnic,i wonder. we ate 
fajiti's and drank sangria,and lot's was said,and lot's was not said too.a 
lovely time.

I've had the flu through most of christmas,i managed to make it to the B&S 
gig though but i was quite delirious through most of it though,which wasn't 
fun and can remember very very little of it.

the christmas period was fun indeed,mostly spent with alan and ryan.Hearts 
were broken and drink was consumed and hearts where mended a little and 
hearts changed hands and some stars were allowed to shine brighter in the 
sky as some fell.Oh did i mention drink was consumed,i guess maybe a little 
too much,or maybe not enough.i....me,well i did what i always try to do.i 
strived for the future,the one where i get what i truly want,regardless of 
proposals from ex's and ex friend girls,who i really wish would just leave 
me alone to be.be me,be complete.

yes friend-girls and ex's. the ex never leaves me alone,but it seems the 
friend-girl she only ever wants me when i don't need her,when i have someone 
else,when i have the chance to be happy,she crawls out of the woodwork and 
tries to do everything she possibly can to throw the proverbial spanners in 
the machinery,but she didn't,i didn't let her.for once.and i don't intend to 
ever.i have hope.

i met the adorable kirsten marie kenyon who it seemed was just as much the 
fun queen in the flesh as she is on our very own wee sinister,although this 
was only from five minutes as the poor wee soul was shattered from 
travelling et al. she gave me saltine crackers from someone,not someone 
random,someone in particular.my baker.bakers usually make bread not 
crackers,this baker is special.

I have talked with a few of my friends about nirvana recently,i'm not sure 
why actually,but yes,i used to really like them,now i don't.very little 
anyway.anyway,yes theres something that draws me back to them very 
infrequently when i feel a certain way and here it is.

Kurt's voice,the groaning,the screaming,the shouting.this is undeniable but 
there is something there,right at the centre, a touch of honey,of sugar of 
sweetness. i like to think of this as hope.That although he feels so much 
pain as evidenced by the lyrics and the screaming and the actions et al.he 
had this tiny core of hope,that coated his voice and in some ways made him 
beautiful.his honey centre,his hope.i'd like to think he believed that maybe 
it would all get better,that the world and his life would become beautiful 
for him.

I have this hope now,i had it locked away tight inside of me for a long time 
but now someone has let it free and it radiates all around me making me glow 
in a way i have never felt before,i hope.for life.for more.

Mr Cobain couldn't keep this hope and nurture it and become whole again

i hope.we all can.

i love lou,i mean you......i mean

take care

your danny xxx



















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