Sinister: He come from de glorious king-dom

[robin stout]

Hello

Happy Christmas! Nice to see you all pink and perky after the festive 
season. I had a very perky couple of weeks drinking SHERRY! Mmmm! Sorry for 
not sending ANYONE a Christmas card. I do have standards, you know!

I spent my holiday amongst the snow-topped chimneys of Kidderminster, the 
quaint little post-apocalyptic god awful place that it is. In a 
Kidderminster bookshop there was a whole shelf dedicated to a book called 
"Kidderminster - A History in Pictures". It was in the Horror section.

I went carol singing. I go every year with our local church and we go round 
old people's houses and sing to them and they tell us to go away. It's a 
wonderful thing, really, and I look forward to it every year. We sing "We 
Three Kings" and I'm Gaspar - the hairy king. Then we try to sing "He come 
from de glory" and the old folks hit us with sticks.

At my grandad's on Christmas Day we watched telly with subtitles. He's deaf, 
you see. Grandad was loving it, and laughing at all the jokes, but if you're 
listening to it too the subtitles always come up at the wrong time and ruin 
Captain Mainwaring's comic timing. So it was a bit crap. Subtitles can be 
funny, though, like when they say "HE LAUGHS MYSTERIOUSLY" or "HE EMITS A 
STRANGE GURGLING SOUND". Or "HE PARPS HEROICALLY". And when you watch the 
news someone has to type really fast to get the words on the screen and they 
get it wrong and end up calling Tony Blair "Tony Chair".

I think the most depressing words you can hear in a club are "You want Belle 
and Sebastian? I'll play you Legal Man." Gawd. Why does no-one play decent 
Belle and Sebastian songs anymore? The kids deserve better. You could dance 
to just about any Belle and Sebastian song if you wanted to, so why do they 
have to play that toss? Give me IWUTU any day. The more I hear it the more I 
love it.

The Kidderminster Sinister Bowling Extravaganza was a cracking success. 
Actually, it was only me who went. And I didn't go bowling; I went to a pub 
and ate a pie. Well, it was fun anyway, and later on I got drunk and fell 
over. They don't even have bowling where I come from. We have Beetle Drives 
instead. No shoes required for that. Just a sharp pencil and an even sharper 
mind.

time for another cuppa

Robin


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