Sinister: Fw: where i'm calling from

[Rachel Playforth]

don't think this went through.

-- Begin original message --

> From: r.playforth at xxx.uk (Rachel Playforth)
> Date: Fri, 11 Jan 2002 13:03:50 +0000 (GMT Standard Time)
> Subject: where i'm calling from
> To: sinister at missprint.org
> 
> well i have been a busy archel, moving in proper and yelling at my
> boyfriend and trying to start various ill-advised new projects.  had a
> meeting for one of these last night in the noisiest pub in brighton (a
> hotly contested title) and after i gave up trying to hear people i
> started drawing everyone instead (i was inspired to mention this after
> kirsten's Reportage Back on her receipt portraits.)  i was surprised to
> find that my drunken state gave me artistic talent when none had been
> before - but after lifelike renderings of matt and myself i lost it
> again and produced a highly insulting picture of our friend fiona, who
> may now not be our friend any more.
> 
> i'm in a great mood today.  this always happens when i've been
> unreasonably busy.  this is really stupid, but it gives me a sense of
> properly existing - i hate those days when i feel more like lisa in
> She's Losing It: 'she doesn't speak to anyone til 4 o'clock'.
> 
> meanwhile on sinister... there was talk of naming of cats and then
> johnny posted with some ts eliot, and it was like the good old days of
> the poetry parrot all over again.  except he didn't send it on to
> anyone, but i'll pretend he sent it to me, because frankly it's always
> hanging around outside my window anyway.
> 
> it's been too long since i thought about raymond carver, and i just
> found this poem - which made me feel less alone in my chronic anxiety
> induced by the beginning of 2002...
> 
> Fear
> 
> Fear of seeing a police car pull into the drive.
> Fear of falling asleep at night.
> Fear of not falling asleep.
> Fear of the past rising up.
> Fear of the present taking flight.
> Fear of the telephone that rings in the dead of night.
> Fear of electrical storms.
> Fear of the cleaning woman who has a spot on her cheek!
> Fear of dogs I've been told won't bite.
> Fear of anxiety!
> Fear of having to identify the body of a dead friend.
> Fear of running out of money.
> Fear of having too much, though people will not believe this.
> Fear of psychological profiles.
> Fear of being late and fear of arriving before anyone else.
> Fear of my children's handwriting on envelopes.
> Fear they'll die before I do, and I'll feel guilty.
> Fear of having to live with my mother in her old age, and mine.
> Fear of confusion.
> Fear this day will end on an unhappy note.
> Fear of waking up to find you gone.
> Fear of not loving and fear of not loving enough.
> Fear that what I love will prove lethal to those I love.
> Fear of death.
> Fear of living too long.
> Fear of death.
> 
> I've said that.
> 
> by Raymond Carver
> Copyright 1996 by Tess Gallagher
> 
> hm, maybe i'm not in such a great mood after all.  oh well.
> 
> yesterday i foisted the idea of a brighton meet-up on the folks at
> #sinister, promising sex (well, SSX snowboarding on the playstation 2),
> drugs (well, alcohol), and rock and roll (well, DDR).  what i'll do now
> is keep mentioning it here until you all think it's as inevitable as
> death and taxes and can't remember a time when you weren't going to come
> to brighton on <actually i haven't picked a date yet>.
> 
> luv archel
> 
> ps. brighton meetup!
> 
> ******************
> Visit www.buzzwords.org.uk for the best new writing on the web.
> Email submissions to buzzwords at bigfoot.com
> <nb: site undergoing maintenance>
> 
> 
> *******************
> Rachel Playforth
> Resources Assistant
> Sussex Language Institute
> University of Sussex
> Falmer, Brighton
> BN1 9QN
> ++44 (0)1273 678006
> *******************
> 
> 
> 

-- End original message --


******************
Visit www.buzzwords.org.uk for the best new writing on the web.
Email submissions to buzzwords at bigfoot.com
<nb: site undergoing maintenance>

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