Sinister: let me close my eyes and lie invisible, perhaps the clouds will pass through me

[Lola Monnet]

hello.

so many amazing people, all so far away.

i like reading all of the stories of the romance affairs that you all seem 
to have. i am happy to see that you all seem so happy together, although 
sometimes i become a little bit jealous of you, i wish i can get the bravery 
to also travel to so far away for a glimer of hope, as i can't even bring up 
the courage to tell a boy that i like him. and now, he is with a girl, but 
she is very beautiful, and so i am happy for him, in my mind, at least.

in my heart everytime they kiss it is like an arrow flying through. is there 
an anti cupid that exists in order to use his arrows to tarnish broken 
hearts?

maybe i should become more brave, or careless at least. in the past i always 
had to make sure, to make sure that he is perfect for me, but i never do. 
all i ever do is procrastinate and by the time i feel ready, when their 
blemishs become their personalities, they would fly away, when they've found 
the perfect girl, or, just disappear without a trace.

another year, but it doesn't mean much to me anymore. i don't mind being 
celibate for another year, but maybe i should. i remember in a song, a girl 
said "the best shield is to accept the pain, then what can really destroy 
me". maybe she's right.

lola.

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