Sinister: Crying to Crass

[AMEBIX13 at xxx.com]

Hello there Sinister,
I know I have been absent for quite some time, and I appologise for neglecting you, I promise not to let it happen again.  Luckily I am returning with more than my fair share of post worthy things to say, too much for one post even.  My life has been, well, interesting lately.  Very, very full of changes.  There are really more changes going on for me now than ever before.  Hmm where should I begin...Well, probably the most major development in the world of Sean, is what Elise reported earlier, I am moving soon.  In about one week  I will be moving into a very lovely rowhome in the city of Baltimore.  It's quite keen, Three stories, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and it has a certain sort of charm to it.  There is even a peculiar little nook in my bedroom that I am quite excited about!  The house is very Baltimore and I like that.  This is also going to be the first time in my whole life that I will be living away from my parents, it's all very excited, I think I will dig this w!
hole independance thing quite a bit.  Elise is my official decorative advisor for this whole moving project and I just want to publically thank her for all of her great ideas and support!  She really is a great girl!  My place would be nowhere near as sylish as it is going to be without her imput.  Her visit last month was also top notch, we had a great ten days, ten of the best days ever in fact, I was very sad to see her go, and I think I converted one more person to the opinion that Baltimore is not a complete trash heap.  So yes, I will have a roomate in this whole house endeavor...hence the two bedrooms.  Her name is Rebecca and she is a good friend.  She's a very fiesty little hardcore girl and pretty rad in my personal opinion...I'm sure we will end up having a good time living together  I've known her for years and we used to play in a hilarious crust-punk band years back called Ochlocracy.  By the way you get 100 punk points if you own one of our shirts, tapes, or pat!
ches.  They have been sighted as far away as belgium and all over the states, I find it quite funny, as the general consensus of my ex-band mates is what we were horrible, with the exception of the Judas Priest song we covered...that was rokken, much like dokken.  Well, that has gone on long enough, time to get back to more relevant things.  So yes, right about now you may be wondering just what the hell the subject of this email is all about.  Well, a few weekends back I discovered just how sentimental 80's anarchist punk bank Crass can be.  Some friends and I decided to put one of the old Crass records on that friday night, we broke out the pictures from days past, our punk rock days to be exact, and it was just one of those moments where you start thinking about everything you did wrong, and how much you took things for granted, and understandably it can be a bit sad.  We just realized how much fun we all had together back then, and how happy we really were, and how much we!
 would give to have some of the things that we had back then.  We had a band, that played all the time, we were horrid, but it was fun.  We were involved romantically with really nice people, who we all still miss a bit, we were very young and didn't really have to worry about anything.  Basically the world hadn't had a chance to discourage us yet, we were young and impressionable, and energetic, and it was great.  Of course none of us realized that back then, and we all collectively fucked it up in our own way.  I won't bother going into all that in detail, as it is long, complex, and I don't think those involve would appreciate me sharing such personal things about them.  But all this thinking and reminicing led to a fairly important talk between a very good friend of mine, who I dated during the days that we were thinking back to.  She really hurt me badly, I think we both hurt each other a lot actually.  We said a bunch of things that I think we both needed to hear.  She a!
ppologised to me for hurting me, and said it was the only thing that she has ever done in her life that she regrets...that is really one of the nicest things anyone has ever said or done for me.  I won't bore you all with the play by play of the entire evening, but there was a lot of crying, a lot of appologies, and a lot of remorse, and I think we all feel better because of it.  I mean, you can't change the past, but I think we made things right the best we could.  Part of me wishes that I could have another chance with her, I don't think we would mess it up this time, but circumstances won't really allow for that.  She lives a thousand miles away, and is with someone else...perhaps the chance has passed forever, but we know that we both care about eachother a very large amount, and that seems like what really matters now.  Who know's what the future holds, one never can tell really.  Nicole is a good girl, and no matter what we will always be friends.  Well, after all of the!
se developments the next one may seem a bit trivial, but oh well.  I now have black hair, and I like it quite a bit.  I think it is very sean-esque, and I plan on sticking with it for a while.  I've even gotten compliments from unexpected people like co workers, and my mother.  I want to congradulate all of the recent sinister romances!  You are all very lucky, and my advice to you is to appreciate what you have.  Don't take things like that for granted, because you may well spend years wishing you had done things differently if you do...that was the moral of my little story afterall.  Maybe my post will inspire one of you to develop some sort of list crush on me?  Come on don't be shy...crush away my pretties.  Also, please don't hesitate to heed Elise's call for house warming gifts for your's truly.  I would love to get things, and anything at all would be appreciated.  I will make sure to return the favor to anyone who decides to show their genorosity, or hey, better yet yo!
u could come visit me.  Now that I don't have to ask my parents anymore, I can all the visitors I please!  I will show you all how great baltimore is, and you will be able to sleep on my somew
hat yukky sofa bed!  It will be great, like a slumber party with more booze.  Well, it's time to go home now, the working day is over, and I'm not too keen on staying here any longer.  Expect another post from me in a couple of days, my stories are far from over.  
Dirty skin tight patch pants and Pink Flamingos,
Sean
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