Sinister: I need love, not some sentimental prison!

[Max421 at xxx.com]

Hello.
Its been a long time since I last posted on sinister. I've been so happy with rachel grapenut's posts, that I haven't felt like adding on to them, seeing as how we often seem to share one existence. We've been friends for a year now, and more and more it seems like we share the same brain, if not the same experiences. We have similar thoughts, and often say what the other person is thinking to the shock and disbelief of the other. Out of everyone, she has had the most effect on my development in the recent past. One of the more significant things I can think of, is the way that she introduced me to Belle and Sebastian. She did it slowly, each album becoming associated with another part of my life. 

The first CD she had my by, was Fold Your Hands Child You Walk Like A Peasant. It was on the first friday of the school year. We had made friends by being the two quirky kids at the high school retreat into the wilderness, and this was our first time together outside of school. I made her recommend something to me at Tower Records, because I was secretly embarassed of my Music collection, featuring destiny's child and ABBA. I knew I would love the album from the first chords of "I fought in a War" and I bought it. I went home and listened to it. I remmember alternately thinking about how wonderful the album was, how weird and great rachel was, and how stupid the arts and craft project I was doing was. 

A couple of weeks later I was still spending time with my parents, and so I bought The Boy With The Arab Strap. Winter was just setting in, and I would wake up every morning to the songs "A Brilliant Career" and "Sleep The Clock Around". Not the happiest of times. 

She was with me again when I bought "Tigermilk". This album was very essential to my introspection during november and December. I remmember Listening to "she's losing it" just around the time that rachel told me she was bi and when I started considering that maybe I wasn't quite straight myself. 

Sinister is so connected to the depths of that winter that I feel like I'm back in her apartement after being soaked by freezing rain while walking from the train station. She, Caxton, and I would sit on the floor, folding paper cranes, talking about sex, talking about communism, talking about monogamy, talking about everything and nothing and making me intrigued and crazy and angry and sad that I couldn't communicate how I felt. It was all so overpowering. School was so awful. Fox in the snow was about high school. Her room was always too hot, the carpet uncomfortable, and her knick knaks lying all over the floor painful. 

I bought Legal Man while I was in london. Its opening words "l-o-v-e love, its coming back its coming back" were something of a premonition. 

Next was the Lazy Line Painter Jane Box Set. We listened to Pastie de la bourgeoisie and danced around her room, in a house up in the country. I could smell the fresh grass of spring, and the sunlight was vast, beautiful and blinding. That was when we really started becoming the closest of friends.

Later, I remmember listening to Lazy Line Painter Jane while she was ona date with her boyfriend, and thinking about how the vibe of the song and the relationship were similar. 

Now I'm sitting around and listening to Dog On Wheels, I have no idea what our future together will be like, but I know I'm ready for it. I know one more thing. I love her more than I can ever express with words. 

I love you rachel

Max

(ps. Do any of you catch the reference of the title?)
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