Sinister: I need love, not some sentimental prison!

[Max421 at xxx.com]

Hello.
Its been a long time since I last posted on sinister. I've been so happy with
rachel grapenut's posts, that I haven't felt like adding on to them, seeing
as how we often seem to share one existence. We've been friends for a year
now, and more and more it seems like we share the same brain, if not the same
experiences. We have similar thoughts, and often say what the other person is
thinking to the shock and disbelief of the other. Out of everyone, she has
had the most effect on my development in the recent past. One of the more
significant things I can think of, is the way that she introduced me to Belle
and Sebastian. She did it slowly, each album becoming associated with another
part of my life. 

The first CD she had my by, was Fold Your Hands Child You Walk Like A
Peasant. It was on the first friday of the school year. We had made friends
by being the two quirky kids at the high school retreat into the wilderness,
and this was our first time together outside of school. I made her recommend
something to me at Tower Records, because I was secretly embarassed of my
Music collection, featuring destiny's child and ABBA. I knew I would love the
album from the first chords of "I fought in a War" and I bought it. I went
home and listened to it. I remmember alternately thinking about how wonderful
the album was, how weird and great rachel was, and how stupid the arts and
craft project I was doing was. 

A couple of weeks later I was still spending time with my parents, and so I
bought The Boy With The Arab Strap. Winter was just setting in, and I would
wake up every morning to the songs "A Brilliant Career" and "Sleep The Clock
Around". Not the happiest of times. 

She was with me again when I bought "Tigermilk". This album was very
essential to my introspection during november and December. I remmember
Listening to "she's losing it" just around the time that rachel told me she
was bi and when I started considering that maybe I wasn't quite straight
myself. 

Sinister is so connected to the depths of that winter that I feel like I'm
back in her apartement after being soaked by freezing rain while walking from
the train station. She, Caxton, and I would sit on the floor, folding paper
cranes, talking about sex, talking about communism, talking about monogamy,
talking about everything and nothing and making me intrigued and crazy and
angry and sad that I couldn't communicate how I felt. It was all so
overpowering. School was so awful. Fox in the snow was about high school. Her
room was always too hot, the carpet uncomfortable, and her knick knaks lying
all over the floor painful. 

I bought Legal Man while I was in london. Its opening words "l-o-v-e love,
its coming back its coming back" were something of a premonition. 

Next was the Lazy Line Painter Jane Box Set. We listened to Pastie de la
bourgeoisie and danced around her room, in a house up in the country. I could
smell the fresh grass of spring, and the sunlight was vast, beautiful and
blinding. That was when we really started becoming the closest of friends.

Later, I remmember listening to Lazy Line Painter Jane while she was ona date
with her boyfriend, and thinking about how the vibe of the song and the
relationship were similar. 

Now I'm sitting around and listening to Dog On Wheels, I have no idea what
our future together will be like, but I know I'm ready for it. I know one
more thing. I love her more than I can ever express with words. 

I love you rachel

Max

(ps. Do any of you catch the reference of the title?)
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