Sinister: Shite poles are what the plumber holds (REPORTING BACK!)

[Kenneth P Y Chu]

This morning when I got up I was quite looking forward to spending my whole 
working day delivering the best EVER reporting back on my weekend spent in 
London, but then I got to work and I saw that Dimitra has already created 
The Mother Of All Reportings Back.  So I shall have to downsize and hence 
this shall be more like A Little Brother Of A Reporting Back - but oooh look 
with headings and all.


Okay... things that happened this weekend:

KARAOKE
..was fun, on Friday night at the legendary King of Corsica tavern, which 
served high quality Fosters (someone even got an "extra value" pint with a 
suspeciously looking hair floating on top that was dismissed as "an eyebrow" 
and drunk).

Highlights of the evening included:
- played darts, and almost rising to Cabbage's challenge of hitting a 132 
out shot but fell short on the 2nd dart.
- a BIG FAT ROCKER GUY doing a PERFECT (we're talking PERFECT) rendition of 
THE ACE OF SPADES by motorhead.
- actually learning the lyrics to a Shaggy song, and being surprised by the 
lyrical genius of "Mr Boombastic" behind the mirage of Jibberish-ism.
- in tribute to B&S with our own performance of "The boys are back in town" 
(with backing vocals and all)
- drunkenly forming a bowling posse for the Sunday that was to come.

I was then expertly led home to safety by the venerable Jeremy Tweedle 
(pronunced Twed-dle).


BREAKFAST WITH BAPPS
..on Saturday morning was also drunkenly organised during the karaoke night, 
by asking "BEN APPS ARE YOU SURE YOU BE AWAKE AT 8AM TOMORROW FOR 
BREAKFAST?" and receiving an affirmative reply, therefore after seeing Mr 
Tweedle (pronounced Twed-dle) off to work I phoned up Apps Ben (Mr. B) a few 
times and to my surprise there was no replies.

Forming quickly an alternative plan of action I located a McDonald's, and 
then re-luxuriated in a gorgeous Sausage and Egg Muffin which were the 
highlights of many a University day.

Feeling energised after the banquet, I set out on an expedition over the 
district of camden, and walked from Camden Town to Chalk Farm only to take a 
tube back to Camden again, and then into Tottenham Court Road to locate an 
Internet Cafe to kill some time.


AFTERNOON FOOTIE AND TEA
The eminent Apps Ben (Mr B) arrived shortly after and we set out on another 
expedition in search of APWATV (a pub with a TV) which we found and which 
enabled us to watch an exciting FA-Cup tie between Manchester United and 
Middlesborough, I won't bore any of you with the result.

Later on, we enjoyed a very nice cup of tea in a Mansion House in chalk 
farm.  Our waitress of the day, the splendid Miss SGS (pronunced ess gee 
ess) felt slightly embarassed over serving the wrong type of tea, despite 
the fact that it was astonishingly well made - so well in fact, that, in 
enjoyment of the tea we have made Mr Tweedle (pronunced Twed-dle) waited for 
us at Chalk Farm station slightly longer than we had anticipated.

We then ventured into the enchantingly named "Marathon Kebabs" for lunch, 
great jokes were told, food was eaten, chicken was defleshed.  We then went 
for an enthralling pool tournament at a poncey pub nearby.


LATER ON
..we met the resourceful Mr Paul Field (pronunced gin-ger-fox), the 
glamorous Miss Stacey Shackford (pronunced dah-ling) and last but not least 
the scintillating Mr Nicholas Passant (pronunced pas-sonnt?) in a 
establishment that served lager at the generous price of 99p a pint, with a 
waiter who can describe food like no other waiters can.

We spent more money on a "Who wants to be a millionaire?" quiz machine than 
Apps Ben (Mr B) did on a one hour telephone call with the one-and-only Miss 
Rachel Fruitloop (pronunced Fruit-loop), whom I also had the pleasure of 
speaking to for the first time ever, and how charming a lady she was, too!


LIVE CONCERT @ BAPPSEY TROTWOOD
..featuring no other than "Apps Ben and co." and "Breams and friends" 
playing live music on the now renowned 4-string guitar.  Several numbers 
were played, unfortunately only one of the numbers turned up on my National 
Lottery ticket, but the disappointment of losing out of £6.4 million was 
quickly nullified by the angelic tones of the two singer-songwriters and a 
brilliant evening was had.


BOWLING
..was scheduled for Sunday afternoon, but was not booked, so in the true 
spirit of spontaneity we were to meet at Queensway tube station at 3pm and 
let fate guide our adventures.  On our way to Queensway we managed to kidnap 
a waitress and forced her to come bowling with us against her will, and of 
course not before demanding a full english breakfast with a cup of tea.  
Apps Ben (Mr B) demonstrated to me how phone sex worked, I was enlightened.

Tea was once again our downfall, as we arrived fashionably late at "Queens 
Ice Bowl", which was our bowling venue of the day.

The actual bowling soon took place after a game of DDR, a pint and a 
tactical game of pool.  During the start of the game we had to politely ask 
a few mobs to leave our lane so that we could bowl, they refused at first 
but soon after they left when we threatened to throw bowling balls at their 
heads.

The bowling match was sparkling, the whole arena were stunned by our 
miraculous bowling techniques, and many live action shots were made.

I am glad to have my name cleared of the outlandish claims that I'm "good" 
by being not good.  Apps Ben (Mr B) was stunning in his first game taking it 
without merely breaking a sweat.  And like a true champion, the alluring Mr 
Mark Cassarotto (pronunced B.G.) arrived late at the scene before unleashing 
an immaculate 144 points to take trophy for the second game.

After which, we had a wonderful guided tour on Queensway, being shown all 
the sights and public houses, we were almost overwhelmed by the thriving 
atmosphere.  Then, after a brief mosh-pit session to "Smells like teen 
spirit" by Nirvana we made our way back to the bowling alley to reminisce 
the great time we had when we last set foot inside "Queens Ice Bowl", before 
we decided on something else that was to be done that evening.


ICE SKATING
..was the answer, masterminded by Mr Tweedle (pronunced Twed-dle), some were 
unsure, some waivered before but at the end it would seem that everyone had 
a great time, some looked more graceful on ice than others.

Body temperature wasn't the only thing that fell over the evening.  There 
were several attempts of skating a pirouette on ice - none were overly 
convincing.  And fortunately, the only apparent injuries to sinister members 
of night were a wet bottom, a bruised leg and a broken back, and possibly 
some battered ego.

After breaking my back I decided to join in with Apps Ben (Mr B) and the 
adorable Miss Marianna Longmire (pronunced mary-ana) in studying the pulling 
technique of the boy in the middle of the Ice Rink who was "showing" a young 
girl "some moves".


EUSTON STATION
..was where I boarded the train back to Milton Keynes, I took out my diary 
to record the aventures over the weekend, as I was writing I looked up and I 
saw that a man has decided to sit down on a seat opposite mine.

He looked quite the learned man, since he was reading an obscure novel 
called "The Lord of the Rings" on the train.  That did not trouble me, tho, 
not as much as the fact that he was holding his book with one hand and 
regularly repositioning his crotch with the other.  I was relieved that he 
got off at the "Hamel Hampsted" station, I think he was, too.


...which really concluded the fun-packed weekend.  And I'm now back at work 
with a broken back.  In true copy-cat style I end my reporting back of the 
day with a quote..

Dimitra's mum said:
"that's how life is, holidays end sometime"

It's true.  weekends end sometime too, the good thing is the next one is 5 
days away.  Wahey.

Weekends and Red Bulls
Ken

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