Sinister: Take Your Fanny Pack and Shove It

[robin stout]

Hello

Suddenly I have all sorts of things to say, and not much time to say it in. 
I've decided to split it up into installments, so you don't all get bored.

***

Archel said:

"i was momentarily concerned to hear that rachel's fanny looks like
isobel's, then i remembered that she is american, dude, so it isn't
nearly such a strange thing to reveal..."

I've just come back from America, and among the million infomercials I saw 
one for an "Amazing Three in One Fanny Firmer". My friend who I was staying 
with heard me laughing and couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. 
"I got myself a firmer fanny in only two weeks with the amazing fanny 
firmer." It truly was amazing. he he!

It reminded me of a time when I was still at school and nine o-clock on 
saturday mornings still had meaning to me. That meaning was saturday morning 
tv. I was a Going Live! boy through and through, but even I got bored 
sometimes, especially when they had the Agony Uncle on. I remember his main 
piece of advice was always "Tell the big boys to bog off" and I'm sure 
hundreds of spotty nosed, speccy boys still bear the scars today from the 
beatings they got because of it. Well, one morning I had flicked over to 
CITV, which I think at the time was being presented by a giant kangaroo, and 
they were on the whacky purple sofa doing an interview with Hulk Hogan, who 
was promoting his new film, "Mister Nanny". The interview was going well, 
and although I wasn't allowed to watch wrestling so I couldn't understand 
much of it, I was still fascinated enough by his droopy moustaches to stop 
myself flipping channels. At the end of the interview, Hulk Hogan pointed 
his ten inch finger at camera one for a close up. He growled:

"I'm Mister Nanny, and I'm gonna whup yo fanny"

Now I wasn't quite sure what "whupping" was, but I certainly knew what a 
fanny was, so I was sure that a "whupped" one was even ruder. I was shocked. 
The presenters were shocked. Their faces were all squiggles and lines. The 
kangaroo made a hasty pratfall to try to divert attention from Hulk's 
confused expression, and his moustaches which were drooping more and more by 
the second.

The commercials came on. I flipped back to Going Live!, where Trevor and 
Simon were swinging their pants. I knew where I was safe. ITV was just too 
hot to handle.

***

ooh, I've got an awful lot to say, but I have to do a bit of work. So I'll 
save the rest for the next installment, including all about my holiday, and 
maybe, who knows, a little b+s content...

Until then...

bye!

Robin x



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