Sinister: you should never be embarassed by your trouble with living...la la la la la la

[lindsey baker]

hello sinister.

i have blisters on my feet tonight and no one cared except joe.

and i didn't know how i felt about that.

walking around in the heat downtown again tonight attached at the hand to 
him, i started to feel sweaty and uncomfortable. and my feet started to 
remind me why the mary janes should only be for short distances, not 
"romantic" walks. joe said the sound of the little heels clicking on the 
pavement sounded important.

and now, at the paper, i have undone the buckles and pulled out my heels, 
seeking relief from pain, among other things. and walking on the tiled part 
of the floor, the backs of my shoes loose and flopping, the scraping sounded 
like a little girl playing dress-up in her mum's shoes.

importance was so quickly diluted to childishness, and here i am again 
wondering what the fuck i am doing.



can i ever be happy again?



i am tempted to ask "what's wrong with me?" but i know and i don't the 
answer to that. so leave it said unsaid and then go on to the next post in 
the inbox, business as usual and me with my whining and everlasting rubbing 
and swelling and bursting of skin.

***

on the every day and every night cd there is a picture of some skeletons 
floating betwixt a few barren trees. and i suddenly realize this song is 
saying the words coming from the skeletons' mouths:

'why do you lay so low in the grass?'  'don't you want to be found?'

maybe i should just stay inside somewhere, somewhere cold, with my music and 
a pen and a boy who loves me just enough to take me without wanting me.


love,
debra skyline
xo





------------------
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