Sinister: Quandaries solved, eyebrows salved

[Michael Ashbridge]

+++ Public Service Announcement +++

Robyn Fadden, I have the gospel on quotation marks and their proper placement. 
When quoting direct speech, all marks, including commas, belong inside the 
quotation marks. Punctuation concerning quotes used to set a phrase or text 
string apart from the main body of the sentence are placed outside the 
quotation marks, as they belong to the main body of the sentence. 

Usage example: "Let's have plenty of Wurlitzer!" exclaimed Struan, as Michael 
started clapping prematurely for "Boy With The Arab Strap". 

These facts will be disputed by many, and they may all kise my over-educated 
arse. I didn't get to where I am today by not knowing what to do with various 
bits of ASCII. 

If you're American, or some other kind of alien, ignore all that. You're a very 
weird bunch and like to put *everything* except ? and ! inside the quotes. But 
you only do it to annoy. 

+++ End of Useful Words +++ 

Can I second someone's emotion about rogue hairs? 

Only this morning I pulled out one eyebrow hair that had got outRAGEously long. 
Like something from The Fly. And I hadn't noticed it until just then, brushing 
my teeth, staring at my reflection, lost in some early morning reverie 
involving eyes and mirrors and dopey meta-level circular thoughts about eyes 
seeing eyes seeing eyes, and then WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? It's a half-inch long 
hair that's TWICE as thick as the others and where did THAT come from, HMM? And 
when I carefully appraised the other brow, THERE WAS ONE THERE TOO! Curled-up 
and trying its best to disguise itself as a muggle hair, but definitely ALIEN!  

Both of them, naturally, were ripped from my face, follicle and all. I can't be 
doin' with that kind of rebellion on my own bake. I didn't get much sleep last 
night, and I'm feeling very zonked today. I didn't need that kind of trauma.  

I wonder when my ears will start getting all hairy. Maybe I have a few more
years before I have to start poking scissors in there. Or one of those buzzy
things. I still don't know what's up with that. What evolutionary purpose does
it serve? What's going to happen to me that my body thinks it will be better
served by huge handfuls of hair clogging up my lugs? 

I am, however, going to buy the Langley Schools Music Project, just because I'm 
a sucker for alternative marketing, and I'm wide open for the boys and girls of 
sinister. Hurrah for orff-key singing (and crap puns). 

Until anon,

- M.

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 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
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