Sinister: Then they go to Rough Trade...

[Matthew Henderson]

...to watch BELLE AND SEBASTIAN!!!

Somebody had to do it.  Congratulations guys.  Now, is MS. House still with 
you?  Or was she a Jeepster thing?  I'd hate to see her go...

Relationships have been a troubling thing of recent.  A good friend of mine 
had his heart broken by a girl this very day.  I've had my heart broken by 
the fates.  My past relationships have been trivial at best.  There are 
wonderful moments, but I always saw past them, wondering when that next 
phase of my life was going to begin and everything would change.  That's 
probably why I've been so quick to drop relationships in the past, hoping 
that great change would come.  I've lived in Mobile for most of my life.  I 
become used to it, and I really don't mind it at all anymore.  But there is 
no future here, nothing for me.  It's been over two years since I've 
graduated high school, and I've been attending the local University but for 
no reason.  I never saw this school as a permanent fixture in my life.  I 
never saw it as the next stepping stone for the rest of my life.  I've been 
burning time.  Then it hit me to get out of America.  Get far away from 
everything.  For several reasons, the University of Glasgow was appealing.  
No, it's not because Belle and Sebastian are from there, but they played a 
part...anyway, that's neither here no there. I applied, have been accepted, 
and am scheduled to start in October.  The past 7 months has been a waiting 
game...except it's much of a game.  Just waiting really.  In those seven 
months, I've met a million very cool people and some of the best friends 
I've ever known.  I got a job at the place I've been dying to get a job at 
forever.  I basically do nothing all day, but watch movies, clean, and work 
at a record store.  Then, a little over a month ago, I met a girl...

Yeah, how cliche.  I hate it myself.  But I must admit, I've never felt so 
strongly about a girl so quickly.  She's made me happier than anybody ever 
really has for a longer amount of time than anyone else.  Was that a run-on 
sentence?  Well, for the first time ever, I don't want to move.  I don't see 
how this can be anxiety, since I've been more than willing to move until 
now.  Could it be love?  Maybe, I don't know.  I'm too cynical to love (on 
the outside at least).  However things go, I'm not happy with the world, yet 
I'm the happiest I've been in so long at the same time.  I hate this.  This 
constant battle in my head.  Whenever I'm with her, I'm completely happy.  I 
don't even think about smoking, which is crazy for me.  But when she's gone, 
and sometimes, on those late night drives home where the orange street 
lights manage to create a beat of shadows in tune with whatever song i'm 
listening to on my dashboard, I think and I get very very depressed.  
Sometimes, to the point of crying.  I love my friends, but I can leave them 
and it's okay.  She's different.  She likes Tool and Jimmy Eat World, and 
that doesn't matter.  It's bizarre, it's new, and it's wonderful.

Maybe a more romantic person wouldn't move.  A more romantic person would 
follow their heart and stay with the girl.  I can't do that though.  Even if 
I did, the emotional baggage and resentment that would eventually be placed 
on the girl would be too much of a strain, but that's neither here nor there 
(again).  I know this life is worthless to me.  This slacker lifestyle I'm 
actually enjoying for once yields no future.  I don't know if moving away is 
the answer, but there's a shot.  I just hate it.  I hate it to death.  Ho 
hum.

I have less than two months left here.  Left with her.  I've been told to 
make the most of it, make it the most wonderful two months of my life, end 
the childhood Mobile phase of my life with a bang.  But it's difficult when 
there's a humungous black cloud hovering over everything we do.  I just feel 
gipped.  But, what are you gonna do, right?

This is all leading to...I'm going to be in Glasgow from August 3-11 at 
least searching/acquiring a flat so I won't have to stay up every single 
night in a 24 hour cafe.  If there are any pubnic/picnics/bitchin gigs I 
need to check out/or anything at all going in those days, someone should 
send me an email.  I forsee a lot of downtime in those days, and they need 
to be filled.  Let's be honest, re-imagining the battle of Langside in my 
head whilst I'm walking down Battlefield Rd. can only occupy me for 3 hours 
at the most.

Sorry for the worthless post.  I can't find Storytelling anywhere to Rent in 
Mobile, although certain Blockbusters are supposed to have it in.  I don't 
want to buy it, since I've never seen it, but I hate being bested by the 
system (i also love the irony of "beating the system" by BUYING the DVD and 
giving them more money).  However, in my quest to find it, I listened to 
Storytelling three times in a row, and finally love it.  How nice.  And you 
know what, I even love the dialogue!

I'm sick and sad, and I want to swim with Caitlin Pigtails...
-Matt

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