Sinister: life is confusing, but saturday is nothing but fun

[bus stoppers]

hi all :)

i hate it when this happens.
i had so many a thing that i wanted to write, and now i can't
remember.
uber-lame.

well, maybe then i should just push the whole picnic thing then.
 GO. To. The. PICNIC.  !

rachel has blue hair, and mine is an orangy-red color thing. 
like rainbow bright and her crew, or maybe the care bears
without all the fur.  i'm even going to wear my floppy white
hat.  i think.

know what else is weird?

i have been missing almost everyone lately.  my parents were in
town for their eye doctor appointments and so we went to dinner
the other night, on my lunch break from work.  when they were
leaving, i didn't want to let go of them.  

that has never happened in my whole life.
it was weird.  but nice.

part of it too might be because my mother and i are having
health problems and i'm really worried about her.  she is
diabetic.  the doctor told her that her eyes were hemorroging
(how the hell do you spell that?) and such.  we told each other
that we are worried about each other.  we told each other not to
worry.  

but i'm your mother.
but i'm your daughter.

that night, i felt like making up for the 21 years lost.  the 21
years of "hating" my mom.  i want to make it up to her.  she's
kinda sick, with no cure.  

she even made a pubic hair joke.
my mom is awesome.

also, i miss people that are in my life, but far away.  or not
far away.  or even people i have never met, but i miss them too.

going through this new phase of learning...learning my country's
fucked up history, a bit of anarchy, and a bit of the bullshit
family 'stuff'...it's kinda like a painful adolesence.  

kinda.

i'm not a terrorist.  i'm not an anarchist.  and i don't think i
completely hate my family.  i think that i just hate the
disgusting parts of history that never should have happened.  i
think that human nature (the whole nobody's perfect argument)
fucks good theories and ideas up.  and i hate family 'politics'.

i'm reading: "a people's history of the united states" and "days
of war, nights of love" and "h.p. and the sorceror's stone". 
i'm going crazy.  (i don't really know where harry potter fits
in with getting my head fucked with, but i'm reading it all the
same.)  and i'm female.  i have the hormones and normal female
bitchiness-craziness to deal with too.  

sigh.
at least i'm not a boy.
being a girl can be fun.  i promise.

that point that one reaches when they finally see something that
they never knew before, but somehow knew that they were
searching for it...it's a beautiful moment.

and i hope it starts to happening often more.


love and love and love,
sara


p.s...don't forget about saturday!!!



=====
all the people'd stare as if we were both quite insane

someday my name and his are going to be the same

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