Sinister: i share a birthday with sinister, dontcha know?

[michael grant]

hello y'all.

i share a birthday with sinister, dontcha know? well, at least i think i do. 
27th august, yeah? wow. i feel so special. and struan's birthday is only two 
days before that. :o)

now you all have no excuse for not getting me nice shiny presents. i am also 
hijacking the august nationalpopleague for my birthday purposes. come one, 
come all, dance and be merry. (and if you can't wait that long, then how 
about tonight?)

apologies to all who replied to my last post. i meant to reply after having 
spoken to my little boy, but that hasn't happened yet. the fates are 
conspiring against me. every time we plan to meet and *talk*, something 
comes up. dinner with my grandparents, his boss being arrested for fraud, 
his friends turning up, etc, etc....

i am happy now though. :o) i haven't cried in a while, and although i had a 
bad day on wednesday, i've been giddy like a schoolgirl most of the time. i 
just want the ambiguity and awkwardness to go away, and to get on with being 
friends. i think i can handle that, as long as i get to see him often. im 
coming up with new and interesting ways of having to go see him. yesterday i 
decided to send a letter to my friend who's in bolivia for the summer, (he 
works in a post office). today im thinking of sending a postcard to a friend 
in america.

this is what i dont want though. to seem like a stalker. i just want to be 
friends, but until i talk to him he won't know what i want. and i 
won't/don't have a clue what he's thinking. i was supposed to be going to 
the cinema with him tonight before popleague, but he's cancelled on me (im 
trying not to let the paranoia get to me. he cancelled cos he's tired, not 
because he hates me. im pretty sure). it's just so frustrating. i had 
convinced myself all would be well once i had talked to him. and although i 
still kind of believe that, im doubting it more as the time passes. i will 
make sure i talk to him soon. im just not sure when that will be.

but thanks to everyone who emailed to let me know what they thought, or just 
to wish me good luck. it did kinda rekindle my passion for sinister. not 
that i had started to dislike you, or anything, of course not. it's just 
that when i joined i had this rush of passion about you. so new, so 
interesting, so inspiring, like i had found something i was missing all my 
life. and then, just through familiarity, no fault of yours, my dearest 
sinister, it becomes the norm. and although posts can still make my heart 
leap, there wasn't that same spark about it that i used to feel. it's the 
same with anything though. change for change's sake is a good thing. however 
wonderful your life is, if you dont change it about a bit, or find new, 
interesting facets to it, it will drift into routine.

it's the edinburgh picnic tomorrow. hope there shall be a bumper crowd. i am 
working all afternoon, so might not be there til later on, so dont start any 
of the debauchery til i get there, you hear me? good.

did anybody hear belle and sebastian on the radio? (i think there might be a 
song in there somewhere) i did not, unforunately. i was coming back from a 
flathunting trip to edinburgh (where i managed to bump into caitlin) and 
when i realised i wouldnt make it back for the start, i hung about the 
centre of glasgow. just couldn't face going back to see the family. *cringe* 
i need to move out very very quickly. shouldnt be too long now though.
but just cos i wasnt there doesnt mean to say i cant listen to it. i am 
actually doing so as i type.
to listen, go here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/alt/johnpeel/index.shtml

well, i do have many more interesting things to say, but ive just received a 
phone call telling me im needed in work early. so better go. hope all is 
well with everyone, and thanks again for all your help/advice/other. shall 
see some of you tonight at the ol' popleague, i hope. and some tomorrow at 
the picnic. hope everyone has a good weekend.


michael, smiling at the world.xx



"get out of your apartment. meet a member of the opposite sex. stop the 
excessive shopping and masturbation. quit your job. start a fight. prove 
your alive. if you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic." - 
tyler durden.




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