Sinister: on love, isobel, and silver horses

[Yohanca at xxx.com]

I have been on this list for ages and I have never posted. *breath* well here goes. 
There has been some talk about love. Is it a fabrication of the media to get us to watch mushy movies and buy dumb cards on the fourteenth of february? Probably not. Love is that intense warm feeling in your stomach, that melting sensation, that mini rush of giddiness that flows through you when you think of that one person... i dont know, i think i'm in love now. maybe its something else. who knows? but i'm sure its out there. as corny as it sounds, i think the world revolves around it. what are our lives really about? the main goal is to love and be loved. you do things that you think will make you more loveable. its all love. love love love. 
isobel is leaving. nothing gold can stay. 
i am from new york. and i get the feeling that most of you are not. britain. i wish i lived in britain. probably because i'm desperate for an accent. 
Today was my last day of highschool. and i feel the same. I turned 18 a few weeks ago, but i feel the same. i'm leaving my house forever after this summer, but i feel the same. don't my insides need to change with my outsides?
i feel like riding away on a silver horse. theres nothing here in new york for me but remorse. remorse for all the ways i've failed, all the grades i havent made, all the weight i've gained. my beauty wears away after washings fades and leaks onto the couches and carpets around me. pretty but not pretty enough to be a beauty queen. smart but not smart enough to be anything. 
sometimes i get sad. 

til another time, 
Y O H A N C A. 
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