Sinister: sometimes i still feel the bruise

[bus stoppers]

dearest sinister,

i have not posted in a while, so i am not even sure if i have
been forgetten yet.  i think that last i wrote was that i was
going to leave california and see belle and sebastian in
atlanta.  well, the show was beautiful.  and so was matthew
(henderson).

i must admit that i have been reclusing myself.  as someone
else's post brought rachel fruitloop out of lurking, her's has
brought me out.  i am so happy for rachel and ben that her post
made me cry.

after i read it, i was encouraged to not think about how much
things suck right now.  the whole depression thing.  it's such a
constant struggle for me that i find myself feeling good about
myself and the way that my life is going, but then i let someone
get to me and it's back to being sad again.  

i'm sure that my train to thought is not making any sense as it
isn't even in my head...so i apologize...but i missed you guys. 
i had to write, even if it wasn't going to be rubbish.

why do i let people get to me?  why do things that people say
and do get me in such a state that i start to doubt my
existence?  it's all pathetic really.  family that i constantly
disappoint.  friends that are too far away.  a trail of broken
hearts that i can't let go of.

at least i always have my sad songs and my pillow...





__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! - Official partner of 2002 FIFA World Cup
http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+