Sinister: the six tonnes of isobel's arse

[robin stout]

Return Ticket

The train dashes between trees, ducking roads and leaping rivers. The ticket 
collector stands with hands in pockets at the door to the first class 
compartments. His buttons have been polished one by one, and glimmer in the 
creamy morning sun. He doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care, that I’ve put my 
feet up on the plush blue velvet seats. I don’t draw attention to myself. I 
look at the scene flickering past; grass, fences and trees stretched out at 
speed like bubblegum about to snap.

My bed at home is more comfortable than the one back here, but I had to 
leave, and I’m lucky to have taken some of that comfort with me. The railway 
rattles past a zoo and the children always gasp as their parents point 
upward at the giraffes. If you’re lucky you can see deer and llamas too, or 
possibly even an elephant. The children lose count of the giraffes as we 
steam on past the tall trees. I look up at the shadows on the ceiling. It’s 
so good to have a holiday.

Telling Two Stories

I think the Storytelling album works well. It works better than a film of 
the same name I saw a few months ago. It seems that Belle and Sebastian have 
ended up writing the soundtrack to a film which doesn’t exist. Whereas 
Solondz builds up character and emotion for the purpose of tearing them 
down, Belle and Sebastian paint characters simply to show what they think 
and feel, and not to put them through the gnashers of a plot. As a 
consequence the characters in the songs have more humanity than I remember 
them having in the film. I was a little worried about the dialogue sections, 
as they make the songs inescapable from the film, but they’re some of the 
best lines from the film, and they fit well. Without them this would be a 
good little mini-album rather than a soundtrack album, but they aren’t 
painful and barely prick the skin.

I saw the Dr Seuss film “The 5000 Fingers of Dr T” a few weeks ago. Apart 
from being a great film, it’s also a film which, like Storytelling, was 
ripped about by the studios and its director. As a result, what’s supposed 
to be a musical has most of its songs missing, props appear and disappear, 
storylines seem bizarre or nonsensical, and creaky beginning and end 
sequences are clamped about the middle of the film to show that “gee whiz, 
it was all just a dream!”. Like I said, it’s a good film - you should see it 
if you ever get the chance - but I think it’s a dreadful shame all the extra 
songs and scenes were lost. The Storytelling album reminds me of how those 
offcuts must be; trampled and scuffed on the cutting room floor. They tell 
half a story, and make the film a different film. They’re disjointed and 
some a little strange. But I’m glad they were collected together and 
straightened out for us to hear.

Jamboree!

I’ve had a few troubles recently, and at work we’ve been under a ban on 
“excessive internet use”, so I haven’t posted for a while. Even this one’s 
being written at home looking out at a whitewashed house with a red-brick 
chimney. I’ll have to smuggle it into the office in my lunchbox, I think. I 
apologise in advance for the pickle stains. So belated hellos to all those 
folks I spoke to at ATP and hey heys to those I met on a windswept Brighton 
beach last week. It was a very eventful seaside jamboree, with the explosive 
combination of an entire mixtape team, ddr, pork and chips, and a big gay 
sailor called Mark who ran about by the water’s edge with his ball blowing 
in the breeze. Brighton, eh! I also met a girl with the same name as me and 
was worried that we might be so alike that we could explode if I got too 
close. Luckily, though, we were wearing different socks, and, well, she was 
a girl, so disaster was avoided.

Did everyone enjoy the Jubilee? I stayed in bed all morning and watched the 
football. Even the Queen wasn’t allowed to do that! Instead, strangely, she 
went to Slough. It isn’t easy being a Queen, you know. AND she’s legally 
obliged to wave like she’s got a wooden hand and to wear a crown which 
weighs as much as a bulldog’s belly.

Bye!

Robin x

PS: Vote for Alison, because she urinated in the shower, which I think is 
DISGUSTING! Alex is so funny! He has to STAY!

PPS: Mr Moore said : "Now that the new B&S album has been released I wonder 
if the band will find some news to tell us any time soon?" A quite important 
piece of B+S news – new album, new songs etc. - seems to have passed some of 
you by. Here it is: http://www.nme.com/news/101602.htm

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