Sinister: Sex continues to confound me.

[Ellie (loves red shoes)]

Lovely Sinisterians,

Given my somewhat unfortunate history with relationships, you could 
say I was a girl looking for love in all the wrong places.  You could 
say that, that is, if you are one prone to hackneyed clichés -- as I 
occasionally am.   After making an impetuous declaration to no longer 
date the types I’d been dating, I was plunged into six months of 
tortured celibacy.  I finally sought to rectify this situation last 
Friday in that Holy Grail of swingerdom: the no-strings attached 
[assumedly] emotionless casual sex.  Never being one to get something 
right the first time, however, I give the activity absolutely no 
forethought and ended up selecting the housemate of my best friend as 
my mate.  (Mistake, especially since I am temporarily living in said 
house.)  

In short, I think I am simply not emotionally equipped to spend the 
day following my first sexual encounter with someone utterly alone.  
In an act of unintentional abandonment, he went off for the weekend 
and I spent the day paying bills, reading every old Newsweek in the 
house, and skimming a rather boring book of Celtic fairy tales.  When 
he finally returned (disinterested in anything I’d cooked in my bout 
of domesticity) we exchanged only the most cursory greetings (most of 
which consisted of me relaying his phone messages, anyway) and he went 
downstairs to play bass, making the whole house vibrate with Weezer 
chords.  I wanted nothing more than someone to talk to, but instead 
had to settle for sitting on the porch railing, alone, with a mug of 
hot cocoa, and watching the pedestrians.

In those several hours I had to contemplate Grand Things on our dingy 
porch across from an even dingier motel, the only thing I could think 
of was, If I can’t have relationships and I can’t have casual sex, 
what can I have?   (if the answer is a one-woman Yankee Hotel Foxtrot 
sing-a-long on a rainy summer evening, I suppose I’ll just have to 
settle for that.)

Ellie.
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+