Sinister: stare.......

[Jill Henkels]

stare...  how do i contract time?  large movements only come when selecting 
new music.  how is it that it can be quite so quiet here?  has everyone 
entered the same zone as me?  very little seems to get accomplished; just 
enough to meet the deadline, no matter if it is correct.  each wall is 
adorned with a clock to constantly remind us that time is, indeed, the 
corporate sponsored religion.

stare....  in such a sterile environment, one's brain slowly becomes 
unhinged, though mine has excelled in only 2.5 months.  the results are 
interesting:  quick, spastic movements when away from these cubicle walls, 
mood swings brought on by thoughts of sad times of the past (why can't i be 
there instead of here?), frantically grasping for my legs in fear that 
they've simply fallen off for they are no use here in the land of email and 
speaker phone.  direct human contact leaves me shuddering, craving for the 
shadows.

stare....  life (whatever is allowed, at least) away from the corporation is 
now indirectly affected.  sexual advances are now required to be booked 
through an office assistant; fifteen minute meetings only please.  i've 
stopped listening to others' tales for my jealousy for their lives makes me 
an unhappy, and therefore (according to the sign), an unproductive employee.

stare.....  i wonder if the two neighbors of mine even know what the other 
looks like;  they are constantly on conference calls to one another just 
feet apart; this is called efficiency.  in my space, time has frozen;  the  
company calendar reminds me of january and brags a photo of germany.  june 
saddened me with the image of poppies and was quickly discarded.  moments of 
joy can be found: when the coffee machine slips and gives me two cups rather 
than just one; when a print job can be successfully located through the sea 
of cubicles.  sometimes people bring donuts.  i don't like donuts, but i do 
like to take one to remind me of someplace with flavor.

stare.........  this is my life now, for the next 40 years or so.  i've 
taken my place in front of that ladder.  the sign begs that we wait our 
turn; please don't push for everyone will get the chance to plunge to their 
death once we can no longer climb.  they do say that the life expectancy 
rate is getting longer.  this will allow me the opportunity to enjoy life a 
bit, that is if i've planned and saved appropriately.

stare......
jillianne

ps. still working on that quote, so until then i shall borrow one from sara. 
  after all, as all cover bands claim, it's meant to be a compliment, not 
laziness:
"all the people'd stare as if we were both quite insane
someday my name and his are going to be the same"




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