Sinister: Bernard Black vs. Lisa Simpson

Fri Jun 28 05:50:19 BST 2002

Dear Sinister Kids,

HIJINKS	:
					Oh dear. This last weekend, I broke into my own house. Or rather my 
friend Dave picked the lock of my front door while I held the flashlight. 
See, I locked my house and car keys in my car. In the ignition. I was only 7 
blocks from my house.  I was gonna get my car in the morning.  Tonight I was 
gonna stroll(stumble) home. See I was out and about before the birthday 
party of my friend Dickie and it was just easier to not have to go home 
first. So I went straight to the party. And partied. And drank. Australian 
Cabernet-Shiraz is damn good.
					Y'know what would have been funny? If after all, someone stole my sorry 
1984 volvo station wagon cos the keys are in the ignition. They could've 
take a hammer to the windows.  I was about to take a hammer to the back 
window; but my friends talked me out of it. Thank fuck it's impossible to 
break into with a slim jim. Oh, I say that now, now that I got back into in 
my house.  It may not run; but it'll stay locked. Well, unless you take a 
hammer to the glass.  I'm glad my friends are delinqeunts.
					I must send a shout-out to Miss Jenny Payne and her FAB sister for 
offering to help climb up the wall into the windows. I'm glad Dave knows how 
to pick locks cos drunk people and ladders sounds like painful danger to me.

BILL VIOLA AND JANE & LOUISE WILSON:
					are the reason why I locked my keys in may car. They spoke at two 
lecture at the Virginia Museum. They were amazing. I still feel like a 
Warner Brothers cartoon character post-anvil with the birdies and 
butterflies circling my head. Plus Jane and Louise Wilson's Stasi City was 
installed and it was cool as shit. It's footage of the disused East German 
secret police jail-thing. The way it's shot and the way it's projected; it's 
like you're there almost. And Bill Viola showed some stuff I've never seen 
(some stuff that was in-fucking-credible) and there was a new piece of his 
the museum had just aquired that was in display. Yeah yeah art schmart.
					BUT... at the reception was this kid from the local coffee shop playing 
what was called experimental guitar. He was abusing his guitar and his mate 
was feeding that noise into his laptop and making pretty sounds from it.  
Aww yeah.

HARD AS FUCK:
					Ok, wanna know what happens whan life gives me lemons? Here's my lemon 
story.  Everyone's got a few herculean drinking stories and this is one of 
my best. This was when I was living with 3 other people in a big-ass house 
with 4 or 5 more people/boyfriends/girlfriends/friends staying over every 
night. Me, my roomate Maura and my friends Marshall and Holly were hanging 
out this one night. I had been to the health food store earlier and had 
brought home an organic lemon the size of a small grapefruit. Naw really. I 
brought it out for show and tell. Someone then went and got a *big-ass* 
bottle of tequila. Awww shit. We all sat down at the kitchen table with the 
lemon, the tequila and salt and did tequila shots until the bottle was 
empty. Tha whole thing. Daaaaaamm. Now that was a big-ass lemon.

DUCK:
     Thanks for telling us about those ducks Liz Daplyn. Ducks are so cool. 
They're such intense little birds, booking around their area with very 
important things to do and letting out loud-ass QUACKS.

FUTBOL:
					The World Cup is a sadistic mistress.
     Damn you World Cup Damn you to Hell! I have enough trouble sleeping 
already...and cos of the "whole world is all in different time zones" thing 
and the "rotation of the Earth" thing; the games are shown here in the 
middle of the night.  Or the verrry early morning. Fuck It. That's nothing 
to whine about.
     I'm just a casual fan of a few sports. I like hockey and football 
(soccer). Baseball's ok if you're at an actual game, and it's fun to play 
cos you can hit things with a baseball bat.  Teehee.  Basketball at least 
moves along even if the scores are silly. Team A wins the game with 436 
points over Team B with a total of 434 points!  And at least you can watch 
grown men fly.  American football makes no sense and has no redeeming 
qualities whatsoever.  It is funny to snicker at most of homophobic America 
engaging in blatant admiration of queerness of big gay men being gay. To 
quote Nelson, HAha. Yeah pass the astroglide; we've gotta fit this oddly 
shaped ball up there.
					Oops, sorry that was rude.
     We're not gonna even mention nascar or wrestling. Nope.
					Right. The world cup though. Football is addictive and I don't really 
have any way to see it on a regular basis.  I saw the Womens World Cup a few 
years ago when it was in Richmond. I got a free ticket even. But that's a 
whole different game.  So I get no football (i.e. soccer) and then you get 
the frickin mothership? Ok fine.
					I was in Scotland for the last one.  I was rooting for France cos they 
were geographically closer wheras if I weren't in Scotland, Brazil would be 
closer.  So then I'd root for Brazil.  All my flatmates and all the other 
kids in the rest of the halls of residence and myself went down the hill to 
the pub and watched it at I think it at Molly Malone's which sounds a fuck 
of a lot cheesier than it is.
					And I'm glad the United States made it so far, but I'm glad thay lost 
to Germany.  Long reasoning involving anti-americanisation of the world.  
Better explained not by me; it's too hot outside to be articulate.
     Warning: Don't read this next sentence if you've not seen the last 
games.
     Germany vs. Brazil is gonna be a good game. Yessss. Brazil are 
straight-up righteous and Germany are a intricate, powerful, goal scoring, 
foot action machine.

RAHHHHK! aka FUCKIN' ANORAK!
					Do you ever get amazed by a record you've owned for a bit?  One that 
you've liked enough to not sell but not enough to listen to so much? I've 
had Leftfield's Rhythm and Stealth for a while. I've listened to it on and 
off but never had it on heavy rotation. I put it on yesterday and it was 
like a whole new record. Like a whole new sound. It was the exact sound for 
my mood.  It was like I had never heard it before. It's effing amazing! How 
did I not hear this before? WOW. Z-U-L-U Thass the way you spell zu-lu!
     Same thing with Sinead O'Connor's Faith and Courage. It's really good. 
Naw really.  Granted, I am a longtime fan...since age 14...that's 14 years 
now. If she released an album of renditions of the phone book, I would buy 
it. But this record fell flat except for a few songs. So I wanted to hear 
those few songs...put them on LOUD...left the rest of the record to 
play...was AMAZED. Dancing around the house? Oh yes.
     I think it's the few weeks of no neighbors until someone moves in 
downstairs. I can listen to music L-O-U-D without bothering anyone. Much 
louder than if someone lived below.   It doesn't travel down to the street 
cos the stereo is in my sealed-off-air-conditioned bedroom. It just travels 
through the floor.  Damn you floor.

					Content: Wouldn't it be fab if in concert, the end bit of You Made Me 
Forget My Dreams was played?  The hard house bit?

					Hey Matthew Henderson. I like both Phish and the Clash. Because they 
both don't suck. To me, they sound more similar than not.  Granted, I listen 
to the Clash much more; my friends are the ones with the Phish albums.

BOOTYLICIOUS
					And to call in on a subject from a bit ago; what's wrong with booty for 
the sake of booty? Just so none of your partner's ahem...fluid touches any 
of your ahem...fluid. Act like you know:  it's called a condom. Or an ahem, 
dental dam. From experience; the best way to do this is with someone who'll 
you'll never see again. Ever.  Or at least for a long while.
					More beating a topic to death. I'd like a boyfriend. But I can't be 
bothered to go looking for one. I'm the worlds worst serial flirter. And 
despite the previous paragraph; I'm really not a whore. I love flirting but 
I can't be bothered to play the girly game and act like a girl and I'm too 
shy to ask anyone out.  So I'm still single. Fuck It.
					More kicking a dead pig/clown: I think if I weren't shy, I might be 
married now. I mean I'm a near socialite and I love to talk to people. I 
don't care if I don't know them either. Fuck all that. Meeting people is 
easy.  Teehee.  But when it comes to l-o-v-e, I shrink back into my turtle 
shell. Why do i do this? It drives me up the fuckin wall!  Gaaaah!

					Well fuck.

MELLLLLTING
					Hey Jay Eckard. Well, speaking of the heat, in the exact middle of 
Virginia here, it's hot as fuck. I'm hiding in my air conditioned bedroom 
now. The rest of the house requires the same silver suits they use in 
foundrys so as to resist catching fire.  Outside is unacceptably hot. You 
walk out the front door and it's like you just stuck your head in the 
oven...while it's set to broil. We're not gonna mention the humidity either.

ROCK!
					The other day, the health food store, which usually plays some kind of 
lite-new age-faux jazz crap; was playing the Rolling Stones and the 
Supremes. Plus Brickhouse and a nice variety like that. Do grocery stores 
pick their music for the time they think a certain shopper demographic will 
be there? I heard Siouxsie and the Banshees in the drugstore and I heard The 
Smiths in the normal big-ass grocery store. The weirdest grocery store 
experience was when I was out in the country near my dad's. Huuuuge grocery 
store in a hick-town in the middle of the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. 
And Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit is playing very loudly over the wide 
aisles. I swear they turned it up. It was trippy maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

Riiiiiight.

          Rock on, Vilkas and the Vil-cassettes

P.S. Yo, Glasgow Picnic goers; I want a full reporting back, complete with 
why the police were speaking with you.

P.P.S. If you see a tiny sticker-photo of a siamese cat stuck up anywhere, 
please e-mail me at loueverywhere at yahoo.com. And if you'd like to distribute 
tiny sticker-photos of a siamese cat, please e-mail me and I will send you a 
few. Thing is, you'd have to tell me where you stuck them.
     Long story, I'll explain later.

P.P.P.S  Thomas Henderson, Gordon, and anyone else needing more profanity, 
this is for you, and I mean it in the friendliest way: Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt 
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt 
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt 
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt 
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt 
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt 
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt 
Cunt.

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