Sinister: Fuck My Shitty Pussy

[idleberry]

hello Sinister,


******CURSING******

realising that swearing is the new  saying goodbye to
breams (which was the new "I heart Ken Chu", which was
the new posting, which was the new lurking which is
just so passe now its almost retro chic )I thought I'd
join in before the Daily Mirror caught on to the
latest summer trend and made it untrendy, what with
all the plebs doing it too.

The subject line, IF it gets through firewalls of
those of you at work (heh heh- I can't wait for you to
explain this to your line managers...
"no.. "fuck my shitty pussy".. its from this mailing
list I'm on, see......I can explain... ")
was one of the first things I learnt to say when I
went to Norway. I learnt to say various other things
before hand, but this wasd the most amusing and
possibly widely applicable sentence.

Alternatively, I could have given this post some
"slight" content, and written something along the
lines of "fuck this shit(ty pussy)". But I didn't.
Bandwagons and all that, are fine. I jump on them when
I need to hitchhike a wee bit, but not for the entire
journey. 

Anyway.

*** YOU ALL LOVE NEIL ROBERTSON NOW ***

all he had to do was talk dirty, and you're over
excited. Forget the band. Its Neil you secretly
follow. I'd make examples of you all, but I can't be
bothered.
Was it because he made it cool to say naughty words?
Hes such a bad boy, isn't he. Worthers Originial
rebel. I can imagine him now. Actually, I've never
actually met him, but I have this mental image in my
mind that he looks like Woody out of Toy Story. Only
in a black leather biker jacket. "Theres a snake in my
boot!" indeed.
:-)

***ATISHOO, ATISHOO, WE ALL FALL DOWN****

My hayfever is driving me up the wall. I've taken so
many tablets over the years for it, nothing works
anymore. I've tried Pirotin, Zirtek, Benadryl,
Clarityn, Boots own brand and anything else that
sounds vaguely like a vulcan character name from Star
Trek. 
It doesn't work anymore.
 The drowsy ones, the non drowsy, the 24 hour ones,
the couple of hour ones... all useless. 
 
So I've devised a new plan. I take two. Two 24 hour
tablets, at the same time, of different brands, three
or four times a day. It leaves me feeling lathargic to
the extent of falling over, mind you, but short of
shoving them up my nose and into my tear ducts to stop
this hayfever, its the only thing to offer me any
relief.

I sleep a lot at the moment, I go to work, I come
home, I sleep til the morning from usually about 10pm.
And then I have to drag myself out of bed. 

The other side effect is I can't concerntrate at work
and I get tired, which is why I drop a couple of
caffeine tablets to get me through. And I sleep a lot
too. I suffer pretty badly from hayfever. Some people
get away with the occasional sneeze. But my entire
life, for 4 weeks, is a nightmare.

from the point when i get up in the morning (the soap
I use makes me sneeze, stopping sneezing enough to
have my breakfast, holding my head at certain angles
to avoid a runny nose, taking the train in the morning
which goes through the nice fucking LEAFY bits.. fuck
you other passengers with your open windows. I notice,
and I feel like death), to leaving work (why can't
they just tarmac over princes street gardens and
anything vaguely green? ok, so nowhere to have
picnics, but we'd soon get used to astro turf) to
everything. I can't take a walk in a park. I come home
and spend the next few hours with sore eyes. 
I can't just talk- I end up sneezing mid conversation
and its frustrating so I don't talk. I feel so
hellishly grumpy too. And really, I'm so moody. If you
see me, cross the road and avoid me for the next week
or so. Its the best thing.

People have this thing, where they go "oh, I've just
sneezed. I must be getting hayfever" like its a cold,
that comes and goes. I've taken to ignoring them. They
antagonise me so easily. 

People have this other thing, where they see me
suffering, and they go "oh, I take one pirotin (or
other well known brand of allergy tablet) and I'm
fine". Its different for different people. I don't
care. I suffer badly. I wake up in middle of the
night, sneezing and itching and I need to take
tablets. A good night is where I wake up once.

Some people go "but it was raining yesterday". Pollen
count means fuck all to my body. Some pollen stays
airborne regardless of temprature. 

"you should get a nasal spray"
"have you tried...(insert well nown brand name of
allergy tablet here)?"

Durr. Like, eh, no. Of course not, you dildo! I've
just been fucking suffering for the hell of it. 
It wasn't til you pointed it out, and I saw the light
of my error of my medicinal ways. 

I hate it when people offer: 
a. diagnosis; 
b. advice like "take a tablet/ use an eye wash/ try
nasal sprays" that quite frankly, is like saying to a
blind person "Have you considered getting a guide
dog?".
c. Who think they know how I feel becuase they have a
sniffle, although it might be a cold.
d. Who make fun of my variety of sneezing sounds 

I'm not trying to be "I suffer worse than anyone ever"
about this, but after ten years of one month a year
hell, and you know, it drives me insane.
A good year is when I don't get conjunctivitis, and
wake up with my eyelashes glued together, and have to
fumble about until I find the bathroom and can bathe
my eyes.
hayfever makes my skin itch, especially over the
bridge of my nose with my sinuses. It makes my ears
itch, and my throat itch. It makes me grumpy, and
moody and depressed. I sneeze so much I don't bother
talking much if I can help it, my nose runs so badly I
try and keep my head at a normal angle and not bend
over too often. Making rumaging around in my handbag a
nightmare. 
Nasal sprays make me sneeze and are only good if i
have a blocked nose- and then it becomes a runny nose.
I keep my bedroom window firmly shut every night for
four weeks. And i notice when a window is open,
without even seeing it. 
In the past I've tried meditating myself to sleep
after taking tablets which works partially. I just
have to induce a sleepy state, relaxing my muscles and
stop sneezing/ itching long enough to fall asleep. 
I've used eye pads, bathe twice daily on the worst
days, and I never go outside if I can avoid it. 
So you know, people irritate me too, with their pop
knowledge medical wisdom. Best not to say anything. 

I have two options left:

1. I go to a private clinic and pay to get a vaccine
for my hayfever. (it is possible, apparently what it
is is this. Plant pollen basically sees your nose
tissue as the sort of tissue it wants to pollenate.
What with your nostrils being all warm, wet and sexy.
In some people, the body is cool with this. In other
people like me, its not. And the immune system gets
over excited and sees it as an attack. "No bloody
flower is gonna have pollenate with my body!" type
thing.
So it sees the pollen as a threat, and releases
histimine. What the vaccine does is to identify the
allergy, and then, since the immune system of a
sufferer sees the pollen as a threat, the vaccine
works like a vaccine for any illness or virus or
threat. Hey. If you can't beat it, go with it).

2. I go on holiday for 4 weeks a year to Alaska during
hayfever season. 

Ugh.

Sympathy to fellow hayfever sufferers.


Well, thats my major rant over and done with. Please
listen and learn. 
I'm thinking ahead to next week, and the talk of the
picnic in glasgow, and whether thats a good idea. No
parks. Lets meet up in a concrete block.

please.

***Bangbang***

Earlier this evening, I was sitting in the living room
being ignored by Mick. Sometimes he sits on my lap,
while I massage his head, other times he ignores me.
Tonight I wasn't good enough for him. Mick is the
neighbours elderly cat, by the way. 
Then we heard a gunshot.
no idea where from or anything, but it was something
of an event in the leafy commuter town middle class
area that I live in, and will no doubt be the subject
of many a neighbourly gossip for weeks to come,
regardless of whether anything further develops from
it. 

And even if anything doesn't imaginations are
wonderful creations for filling in gaps and creating
drama and exagerration, to make a story more
interesting, and hoepfully make the story teller more
interesting.

****EVERYONE HAS A NOVEL INSIDE THEM****
I don't know if the above is true, but thought I'd
write it anyway. 
Sinister is one of those mailing lists, I am aware,
whose listees are generally creative. Its an odd place
really, with more of a quota of creative minds than
elsewhere, an unnatural surge of imaginative minds all
gathering in sinister.
Some of us are musicial, others are painters and
illustrators. Some write, others sing, others make
things. 
Well, this is for the writers among you. You with your
film scripts, with your stories, and poems and even
your posts.

I bought a book the other week which has had me
enthralled. Its a magical book, which seems to feed my
enthusiasm to write and my imagination to develop.

Irs called "The Creative Writing Coursebook" from my
old uni, University of East Anglia, and is filled with
advice and excercises for writers to try to use, ideas
to help you develop and build and create, and perhaps
even just use when you want to start writing something
but have a writers block or no ideas.

Its published by Macmillan, and I've found it a
fantastic read and inspiring.

So i thought I'd let you know, if any of you might be
looking for such a book.


right, I'm off to perform strange practises upon my
body and try and sleep.

Love,

idleberry

















=====
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/corduroysmoke/ starting playground gossip and passing notes

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